Making Up For Past Mistakes with Righteous Thoughts and Rebuilding the Mighty Virtue of an Enlightened Being Written by a Falun Dafa Practitioner in Mainland China
(Clearwisdom.net) It happened a long time ago. After creating the stain, how
did a Dafa practitioner walk all this way, one step after another, to make up for the losses and do
even better on the future path? Some fellow practitioners suggested that I write down my experiences
of how I re-entered Fa-rectification cultivation, so that practitioners can learn a lesson from it.
I myself hope that it will help to encourage one another on this last leg of our cultivation path. After the third time I went to Beijing to appeal, I was captured and sent to a
labor camp. The police there instigated the prisoners to torture Falun Dafa practitioners in order
to force them into revealing their names and addresses. At that time, they took the practitioners'
clothes off and poured cold water on them - in the middle of a cold winter. Amidst the harsh
suffering, I cooperated with the evil persecution and told them my name and address. After that I became depressed. Later, after I was sent back to my hometown, I was
isolated and detained in the brainwashing class on our street. Since July 20, 1999, as I had been
separated from the Fa and placed in tribulations for a long period of time, I felt fatigued both
physically and spiritually. I felt so tired and bitter. At this moment, the evil arranged for a
person who had "enlightened" along an evil path to bombard me with self-deceiving lies.
Amid the absurd lies, I was not clear-minded and wrote the so-called "three statements"
[Practitioners are coerced under brainwashing and torture to write these as proof that they have
given up their belief. Created by the "610 Office," the three statements consist of a
letter of repentance, a guarantee to never again practice Falun Gong, and a list of names and
addresses of all family members, friends and acquaintances who are practitioners.] That night, I had a dream in which a black skeleton came to my bed. No matter how
hard I tried to drive it away, it did not leave. It was extremely dreadful. Upon awakening from the
dream, I came to understand immediately: the consequence of deviating from Dafa was so terrible. So
I made three vows to Teacher: 1. Separate my present from my past. 2. I would never ever play any
role in this persecution of Dafa. 3. Those bad things that I had written should never be read by
anyone nor serve any function. I gradually came to understand that all this was so evil, and that I wanted to
leave that place. However, very soon afterwards the police sent me to the brainwashing session in
our district. After this heavy blow, I was low-spirited. But very soon, I came to understand
that beating the depression was the first step that I needed to take to break through and re-enter
the Fa-rectification. In the brainwashing center, fellow practitioners encouraged me and helped me
to calm down. I pondered what my problem was and realized that if I could not find the loopholes, I
might still make the same mistake next time. First of all, I needed to calm down to study the Fa. After studying the Fa, I
thought of every test on my cultivation path and my own conduct therein. I used the Fa to judge
things, and found that since July 1999 when I had first started to validate the Fa, I had not done
well in many tests. For example I had handed in the books, written the "guarantee letter"
not to go to Beijing, etc. Looking back on my past cultivation, except for a half-year period of
solid cultivation, I had long been disturbed by thought-karma that originated from the Qigong that I
had learned in the past, and did not break through it. I dodged it in a passive way by simply
ceasing to practice the exercises. Afterwards, I was even interfered with in my Fa-study. The result
was that my understanding of the Fa just stayed at the level of trying to be a good person, and I
looked at things from a non-practitioner's perspective. Since I could not let go of my numerous
fundamental attachments, when I was met with setbacks in validating the Fa, I ended up doing
something that I should never have done, and so created the stain. I remembered that Teacher had, on
several occasions, given me hints in order for me to enlighten to study the Fa more, but I did not
seriously pay enough attention to it. Before I went to appeal for Dafa the third time, I got even
more obvious hints: In a dream, I was taking an exam. All the questions on the paper were very
simple, and had been mentioned clearly in the book. If I had just read the book once more, I would
have gotten a very high score, but I was kept busy doing this and doing that and did not calm down
to read the book. I handed in my paper with regret. However, before I left home to validate the Fa, I did not calm down and read the
book. In fact, for over a year, I had not even read Zhuan Falun ten times. "When I
taught the Fa I told you before about all the problems that might occur during this malicious and
destructive examination. It is indeed difficult for those who haven't truly done cultivation to come
through this. Now you can see why I've often told you to read the book more, right?! The Fa can
break all attachments, the Fa can destroy all evil, the Fa can shatter all lies, and the Fa can
strengthen righteous thoughts." (Drive Out Interference) When I later started to study the Fa again, the thought-karma interfered strongly
with me, especially when I had thoughts like I did not have enough time or that there was no hope
for me, etc. However I believed firmly that the Fa would compensate and rectify everything. Relying
on my determination in the Fa, when reading again I found the deeper meanings of the Fa, and became
even more determined. Nonetheless, sometimes I also felt low-spirited, especially when I thought of
the serious consequences of deviating from the Fa. By reciting Master's new articles "Melt Into the Fa", "Expounding on the Fa", "Suffocate the Evil", "Eliminate Your Last Attachment(s)",
"Towards Consummation",
"For Whom do You Exist?", and Master's words in the Clearwisdom editors' article "Eliminate Evil" combined
with eliminating the thought-karma by systematic study of the Fa, I knew that they were not part of
me and I did not allow them to interfere with me any more. I realized that understanding the serious
consequences of deviating from the Fa and the urgency of the situation should help me treat
cultivation more seriously and discover my loopholes, and should not become an obstacle for me to
re-enter cultivation. In studying the Fa, it also solved the problem of being afraid of being
interfered with in doing the exercises, since the interference itself tried to stop me from doing
the exercises, and doing the exercises was eliminating these bad things. After understanding this fundamental problem, I realized that I should
immediately re-enter the Fa-rectification and catch up with the process of Fa-rectification. The
first thing I did was to write a solemn declaration to negate the bad effects of what I had done.
Teacher is so compassionate, and arranged for all the related persons to come and see me, including
staff from the residential committee, officers of the police substation, the district political and
judiciary committee, and also my family members and friends, etc. I made use of the opportunity to
hand all of them my solemn declaration. Additionally, I wrote another statement, reading it aloud to
all the so-called working staff in the brainwashing class and in front of other Dafa practitioners,
telling everyone that I had started to cultivate anew. The tests soon came, one after another. One day, members of the residence
committee and the police brought a video camera with them and wanted to set up an example of the
brainwashing program to deceive the world's people. I read my statement aloud to them. The wicked
people surrounded me, afraid that the truth might be videotaped. When they saw that they had no way
to continue with their performance, they had to quickly wrap up the session. Shortly after, I was
kidnapped by the police and sent to a labor camp. Before I arrived at the labor camp, I heard that their brainwashing session was
extremely vicious. The police in the labor camp jailed the Falun Dafa practitioners with the
drug-addicts, whom they used to keep watch over the practitioners. At the beginning, they found two collaborators [former Falun Gong
practitioners who have gone astray due to brainwashing and torture] who knew me to talk to me. I
was really excited when I met my old acquaintances. However, I immediately realized that they were
puppets sent to brainwash me. In the past, the collaborators whom I met were those who I believed
cultivated better than me. When I relaxed in my mind, the evil would make use of the loopholes.
Teacher said in Zhuan Falun: "In fact, it does not matter who the person is--there is
only one Fa. Only by observing this Dafa can one meet the genuine standard. " In the
tribulations or the tests, when the test grew so big that we could hardly forbear it, many
practitioners thought about whether they could meet fellow practitioners, or simply relied on family
to rescue them through "back-door" means. All these are the result of looking at things
from human perspectives. At the critical moment they did not seek help from Teacher; thus, the evil
would surely find an excuse to persecute us. Teacher said: "I am rooted in the universe. If
anyone can harm you, he or she would be able to harm me. Put simply, that person would be able to
harm this universe." (Zhuan Falun). I felt sorry for these who had gone astray in their evil
"enlightenment." The police wanted me to "talk" or "communicate" with
them, saying that if I felt that my understandings were reasonable, then I should persuade them. I
realized that I should not cooperate with the evil arrangements. When I was deprived of freedom,
there was no room for discussion. I asked them to leave before they could even open their mouths,
and told the police that I would neither talk nor share my experience with them. Since I was
determined, the puppets retreated. But the police still arranged for me to remain in the evil
brainwashing class. What should I do? It seemed that my only choice was to pass the tests of life
and death; I would not give in to the evil test. I started a hunger strike. Hunger striking involved a lot of suffering. However, as a cultivator amidst
tribulations, I should give up ordinary people's notions. Master mentions in Zhuan Falun:
"In other dimensions, people do not have bodies like this...But in this dimension people are
provided with this kind of body, our physical bodies. With this body, one cannot put up with it if
the body is cold, hot, tired, or hungry." So I thought, 'Would Gods be like the ordinary
people who cannot put up with it if the body is hungry?' During the hunger strike, I kept reciting
Master's articles and recalled Zhuan Falun. In studying the Fa, I did not feel any
bitterness. On the third day of the hunger strike, I felt a little bit weak, but it went away
immediately. On the fourth day, I felt very relaxed and light-hearted, with no feeling of hunger at
all. I felt entirely free from worry. Even those drug-addicts were surprised. It was really
incredible to them that I was able to run and walk after such a long hunger strike. After the hunger strike, I was immediately released from the brainwashing session
and transferred to another place. However, the persecution still continued. Every Falun Gong practitioner who had
been abducted to the labor camp would be sent to the brainwashing class. Some of them even created
stains in their cultivation. In the brainwashing session, the evil people asked those who were going
astray to write Cultural Revolution-style materials "exposing and criticizing" Falun Gong,
to sign their names, and to allow themselves to be shown on the closed-circuit TV. This was done so
as to deceive the others and force them to give up their righteous belief and walk into the terrible
abyss. For those determined Dafa practitioners, the police forced them to run in drill formations
and do physical labor tasks. The police also asked the state-controlled TV station to go to the labor camp to
videotape and concoct a deceitful TV program to say how the labor camp was like a "life-giving
spring breeze and gentle rain", beneficial and helpful for all. All these were evil. As a Dafa
particle, as an upright Dafa practitioner, how could I not care about seeing the wicked people
trying to deceive the world's people? To cooperate with evil is to help it grow. I made a decision
and would definitely not cooperate with any evil arrangement: I would overcome the evil imprisonment
and persecution of Dafa practitioners. Since then, there occurred a scene in the labor camp: every day, when it was time
for drills, meals, lining up, and doing the physical labor , there was always a person who was
dragged down from upstairs. In winter, he stood in the wind with only thin clothes. In summer he
nobly and uprightly stood in the sun. He never cooperated with the police or the drug-addicts and
never did the drills or the labor. He never answered roll call or signed his name. Sometimes he
practiced the Falun Gong exercises in the exercise yard in front of the police, and sometimes he was
beaten up by several drug-addicts. The police asked me, "Why don't you follow the regulations of the labor
camp?" I told them, "I am a cultivator and not a prisoner. The regulations in the labor
camp are used to restrain prisoners and have nothing to do with good people." I recited
Teacher's articles to them and told them the principle that good deeds would be rewarded with good
and evil deeds would be met with evil ends. Every day there were several life-and-death tests. Three meals downstairs, five
roll calls. Doing drills, doing the forced labor, meetings, getting up and continuing to practice
the exercises. Almost every time that I did not cooperate with the evil, I would be attacked by the
drug-addicts. Once a drug-addict asked me to recite the "thirty regulations for
prisoners," and said that if I did not recite it, they would not allow me to sleep. They took
shifts to watch me, saying that they'd continue until I would recite the rules. I was not a bit
intimidated. Sleep is an element to restrain everyday people, who cannot do without sleep. But a
cultivator is beyond the everyday realm. How could cultivators be restricted by human elements? This
went on from noon to midnight, when the drug-addict who watched over me got tired. He asked me
whether I had recited it. I said I would not recite it. Then he asked: "Are you going to
sleep?" I said, "Yes," and he let me sleep. After that, no one asked me to recite the
prison regulations. Every time I did the exercises, the drug-addicts beat me. Once I felt
excruciating pain, and I could hardly endure it. I thought, should I still practice the exercises?
In fact, all life is created by the Great Law. So I thought, "Let me be wherever I have come
from." I closed my eyes and said in my heart to Teacher: "I place my life in your
hands." And then I started to do the exercises, but this time the drug-addicts did not torture
me again, and merely held my hands to stop me. In the evening, the police came and asked whether the
drug-addicts had twisted my hands. Then, they asked them not to torture me any more. In order to force me to report to them when I wanted to leave, the drug-addicts
did not allow me to go to the washroom. They said that if I did not report to them, I would not be
allowed to go to the washroom. I paid no attention to them and continued doing what I wanted to.
They dragged me backward. After a long time, I felt that it was difficult to forbear, and the
drug-addicts told me that as long as I would just agree to report to them, they would allow me to go
to the washroom. How can a practitioner follow the instructions from the vicious people? How can I
give in to them? I paid no attention to them and insisted on not reporting to them. After a while,
the drug-addict went downstairs and entrusted another prisoner to watch over me. That man showed me
to the washroom. Since then, every time when I did not report to them, when the prisoner on duty saw
it, they did not care. Since I was jailed and persecuted for my persistence in continuing cultivation, I
did not cooperate with any of the regulations in the labor camp. The police looked at me as someone
who needed "special attention." They arranged the most wicked 3 or 4 drug-addicts to watch
over me. They isolated me from the other practitioners, not allowing me to talk to them. They did
not even allow my visitors to see me and kept me under close surveillance. There was someone
following me even to the washroom. The long-term loneliness was the most difficult test. I kept
reciting Hong Yin and Essentials for Further Advancement, Teacher's new articles and
the parts of Zhuan Falun that I still remembered. I recited "Lun Yu", the foreword
of Zhuan Falun. In the process of studying the Fa and validating the Fa, I saw the Fa's inner
meaning, one layer after another. I kept studying the Fa non-stop every day and my Xinxing (heart
and mind nature) and levels also kept improving. I did not feel bitterness even in the most
difficult situations. One day passed after another. Everyday I was dragged downstairs several times.
The wicked people endlessly interfered with and persecuted me. I looked inwards to find my own
problems, and found that every time this happened, I had put down the issue life and death.
Therefore, this tribulation must be something imposed on Dafa and practitioners by the old forces,
whose purpose was to shake Dafa practitioners' righteous belief in Dafa. Finally, after several
months, the police had used up all their tricks and still had not achieved their goals. They did not
pay any more attention to me, seeing that I was not even afraid of death. They did not force me to
follow their regulations and just locked me up without letting me go downstairs, and I also did not
have to do the drills or the physical labor. It was arranged for someone to bring meals upstairs to
me. Master Li's new articles were passed into the labor camp, one after another. We all realized
that we should deny all arrangements made by the old forces. Some practitioners who did not
understand me before also came to understand. Dafa practitioners in the labor camp began refusing to
do the labor tasks and drills, and did not answer the roll calls; we no longer cooperated with the
evil arrangements. When the police in the labor camp saw that not much could be done anymore, they
fiercely began to retaliate against us. They realized that from the very beginning up to then, I had
not cooperated with the labor camp regulations. They tried to set me up as an example by persecuting
me even more severely in a "strict discipline class." The police and evil drug-addicts did not even allow me to leave the room unless I
reported to them. Two days later, I had not had any bowel movements, and my lower abdomen was so
bloated that I could hardly sit up. When I went to the lavatory, a lot of blood dripped into the
toilet, accompanied with sharp pains. However, I still managed to keep my own way and refused to
cooperate or give in. The police soon found me and said: "You can go without reporting to
us." Righteous thoughts once again helped to destroy the evil's arrangements. Shortly after this I was shut up in a "small cell." The little cell was
an isolated room of no more than ten square meters (about 100 square feet). There was only a bed and
a narrow corridor. For 24 hours a day, I was jailed in the cell. Everyday, eating, drinking, and
going to the toilet, everything was done here. Everyday I could not see sunlight. What I ate was the
cold meal with unboiled water [note: drinking water in China is normally boiled for sanitary
reasons], and I was separated from the outside world. I could not make phone calls or receive
visitors. At this moment, my body displayed some symptoms: my two feet were as hot as a
smoldering iron. My eyes could only dimly see. I lost control of my bowels. At night, I had a low
fever and my heart beat rapidly. I had difficulty walking and felt numbness in my limbs. The police separated me from the outside world and even from the rest of the
labor camp. Even amid the severe tribulation and the most difficult situation, I kept sending forth
righteous thoughts. I realized that I should leave the labor camp. Dafa practitioners are a whole body. When the other practitioners learned about
my situation, some of them had my situation posted on the Minghui website, while others kept sending
forth righteous thoughts to eliminate the evil elements in other dimensions that were persecuting
me. Finally, 11 months after I was sent into the labor camp, I left it under the name of
"receiving medical treatment on bail." This was achieved without a single day of
cooperation with the labor camp regulations. I did not do the drills, perform the physical labor
tasks, or answer to the roll calls. In doing so and in refusing to sign any documents that were
degrading to Dafa, I thus removed my own stain and stepped back on the path of assisting Teacher in
the human world. This lesson made me more clearly understand the seriousness of cultivation and
see the nature of this persecution. Teacher told us in one article after another that we should
study the Fa more, that the Fa can make up for everything, that the Fa can rectify everything, and
that the Fa will finally lead us out of delusion and through the test of life and death, and help to
rebuild the mighty virtue of an enlightened being. Posting date: 2/9/2003 |