Face Up to Selfishness By a practitioner from China (Clearwisdom.net) Teacher said, "There are a lot of things you still aren't able to
do well as Dafa disciples, though, and I can tell you that this is in fact because you've neglected
Fa-study." And later, "But sometimes, because we don't keep up our Fa-study, we handle
like an ordinary person some of the things we do to spread the Fa and save sentient beings. This
makes a lot of the sacred things we do not so sacred, it prevents us from doing them well,
and it also causes people in society not to understand us sometimes. So it not only prevents you
from improving, but also causes Dafa some losses." ("Teaching the Fa at the 2002 Fa
Conference in Boston") Reviewing my cultivation practice over the past few years, I found that
I have had many experiences directly related to this issue, giving me a deep sense of it. For
example, when faced with my family's opposition, I often responded unkindly. Sometimes, I even got
angry and heatedly argued with them. I thought that I was upholding Dafa, but did not think why this
kind of thing was happening, and whether it was due to my own problems. When I wanted to do some
work to validate Dafa, but encountered something else that needed to be dealt with urgently, I
became impatient and thought that it was interference, without thinking about why I might encounter
such a problem, and whether it was there as an opportunity for me to abandon some attachments.
Although the old forces attempt to damage Dafa, at the same time, as Teacher said in "Lecture
at the Fa-Conference in Canada": "Stay firmly cultivating Dafa under any circumstances.
That's all. Why should you think of being damaged by other people? As a cultivator, if you carefully
analyze whatever happens around you at the time or afterwards, you will find that it has a reason
for happening." My impatience resulted in an even deeper misunderstanding by my family members, and I failed to
embody the demeanor of a Dafa disciple. On the surface, it is not wrong to think that I want to
practice cultivation and I want to validate Dafa, but if a Dafa disciple is unable to conduct
himself peacefully and kindly, it is wrong. Would I still be impatient if I were truly considering
what the best is for others? Being impatient is one kind of demon nature; should it emerge when one
wants to be good to others? In fact, it will only appear when one is acting for one's own sake. I
remember when I first went to Tiananmen Square in Beijing, my family did not want to allow me to go.
At that point, my selfishness was most clearly evident. I told my family, "Would you have me
stop my cultivation while seeing others successfully complete theirs?" A huge selfish heart was
being covered up under the name of safeguarding Dafa. Later, this selfishness became more and more
concealed. Anger and grievance are manifestations of sentimentality and so are in the realm of everyday
people. Therefore, while clarifying the truth or under other circumstances, if one easily becomes
impatient and uses a tone that is not kind enough, even though the words are correct, a note of
complaint is embedded in the words, in contrast to having a true consideration of others. With a
different tone, the message and the thought sent out would be different. Even a tiny difference in
the heart, or in the thought, would result in great difference in the way it's received and the
effect it has. Teacher said, "As I've said, everything that happens today in the ordinary
society is the result of Dafa disciples' thoughts." ("Teaching the Fa at the 2002 Fa
Conference in Philadelphia, U.S.A.") The more impatient I am towards my family, the more my
family antagonizes me. The more anxious Dafa disciples are in their wish to complete their
cultivation, the worse the situation becomes. Being impatient and anxious is really a manifestation of selfishness. Think about it carefully:
what makes us become anxious and impatient? The first thought is almost always, "They are
affecting me in such and such a way," or, "How could they do this to me?" Such
thoughts are generated when something makes us feel uncomfortable. Sometimes, everyday people's
thoughts or attitudes are indeed not so good, but their mistakes cannot become reasons for us to
make mistakes. We are Dafa disciples. We are not practicing an ordinary cultivation. Thinking about
the first thought that I had under those circumstances, almost each time it was related to
"me." The starting point of all of my sentences was based on "me." Even each of
my sentences started with "I." On the surface, I did the work for Dafa and for others, but
there were many everyday peoples' attachments embedded -- ones which should be abandoned in the
course of cultivation practice. Dafa teaches us to always think of others first, and when we achieve
this, we should not be impatient at all. We will encounter tribulations if we are unable to discover our selfishness and attachments,
because we have to find them to abandon them. Some fellow practitioners get into arguments with
their family members, or they constantly argue with their fellow practitioners. One way they think
is: "For your sake, I have pointed out your shortcomings and you have to listen to me.
Otherwise, I can become impatient and anxious." Another way is: "I want to make you
believe that it is the government that is lying and you have to believe me: otherwise, you don't
have a sense of justice." Yet another way is: "My understandings are deeper than yours and
therefore, you have to agree with me. Otherwise, I can feel angry." I covered up this kind of
strong selfishness in the name of validating Dafa. Validating Dafa and clarifying the truth are such sacred things. Those kinds of thoughts and
attachments are exactly the ones that make what we do not so sacred and the results not so good.
Furthermore, they cause Dafa some losses and create obstacles in ordinary people's thoughts. When these sorts of things appear in our course of cultivation practice, the key is to discover
the selfishness, recognize it, uncover it and abandon it. When it becomes weaker and smaller, we
will feel the power of compassion and peacefulness. As well, we will feel immense tolerance towards
people who still have a sense of justice. Our diamond-firm determined heart will be given to Dafa,
and we will recognize and experience the inner peace it brings. If we do not feel that we always
carry compassion, it must be that some of our concealed selfishness still have not been discovered. In retrospect, I think that, although many of us have done a lot of things that we were supposed
to do to validate Dafa, we have not improved our realm. With our thoughts to validate Dafa, much
sentimentality is mixed in. Sentimentality can make our first thought start with "me," and
therefore, make us do many selfish things that we aren't even aware of. On the surface, it was done
for Dafa, but deeper down, it was for "me to get what I want to obtain." So, we went awry
and caused some negative impacts to Dafa, and hence were unable to achieve what Dafa requires of us.
Wherever there is sentimentality, there is selfishness; wherever there is selfishness, one is not
able to be tolerant, and can become impatient. The things we are supposed to do are sacred, but in
our hearts, while doing these things we still remain in the realm of everyday people, even causing
Dafa some losses. Looking back, I have a better understanding of what Teacher said about selfishness
in Essentials for Further Advancement II -- "Some Thoughts of Mine": "To be
honest, the students of Falun Gong are also human beings who are in the process of cultivating
themselves, and they still have human minds. In this situation where they are being treated
unjustly, I'm not sure how much longer they can forbear it, and this is what I am most concerned
about." I must face up to my selfishness and clearly experience the significance of what Teacher said in
the article, "Further Understanding" from Essentials for Further Advancement, as
well as the seriousness of the demon-nature that I had discovered in myself. That this selfishness
was so deeply rooted in my heart makes me afraid. Those things that I had thought I had done pretty
well included so many attachments. Here I would like to review Teacher's article with fellow
practitioners: Further Understanding "I couldn't have explained the matter of Buddha-nature and demon-nature to you any more
clearly. The tests for you to pass are in fact meant to remove your demon-nature. Nonetheless, from
time to time you have used various excuses or Dafa itself to hide it, and failed to improve your xinxing
while missing opportunities again and again. Do you realize that as long as you're a cultivator, in any environment or under any
circumstances, I will use any troubles or unpleasant things you come across--even if they involve
work for Dafa, or no matter how good or sacred you think they are--to eliminate your attachments
and expose your demon-nature so that it can be eliminated, for your improvement is what's most
important. If you are able to succeed in improving yourself this way, what you do then, with a pure heart,
will be the best and most sacred." January 11, 2003. Posting date: 1/24/2003 |