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My Daughter Helps Me Eliminate My Attachments

Sept. 3, 2022 |   By a Falun Dafa practitioner in Liaoning Province, China

(Minghui.org) I was born in a remote small town in the northeastern region of China. My father passed away when I was young. My mother raised the four of us by herself. We were too poor to pay for school tuition, and I never had any new clothes. With such an upbringing I became introverted, but had a strong sense of self-esteem.

I was fortunate to have a nice husband who took good care of me. We had a daughter. She was obedient, but could be willful too. My life was very peaceful and worry free. However, my husband passed away many years ago. I am sixty-four years old and live alone.

My daughter got married in the provincial capital and had a daughter. She divorced after just a few years. So now I stay with my daughter during the holidays; my life is not peaceful anymore.

Even as a a child, I never had conflicts with others. Now I have to deal with my daughter who has a strong character. In her home, I take care of all the housework, and my daughter complains about everything I do. She is also very picky when it comes to eating and is never satisfied with my cooking. She requests at least two dishes for each meal. 

Once, I cooked four dishes thinking it would make my daughter happy, but she was not happy at all. 

I felt wronged and angry, but I knew that I had to hold back my anger and said nothing because I am a Dafa practitioner. I was sad and thought about what to do to make her change. But she only became pickier. She often did not eat dinner to control her weight but then wanted breakfast first thing in the morning. However, her schedule varies and is unpredictable. If breakfast was not ready when she got up, she would be angry with me. She often said, “Why do I have a mother like you?” I grumbled too. “If I didn’t cultivate Dafa, I wouldn’t take care of you,” I thought. 

There were many examples like this. Each time we had a disagreement, neither of us was happy. I had to be careful every day, but still nothing I did was right. Conflicts came one after another. I just maintained peace on the surface, but I was tired and did not think I could endure much more.

Sometimes, I would share my grievances with other practitioners. They thought this situation would help me improve, but I didn’t realize that this was a part of my cultivation. Therefore, my troubles increased.

Once, my daughter called for me and was in a bad mood. She called me several times and kept raising her voice. I was unhappy and kept silent. She only got angrier and kept calling to me. She asked if I could hear her and I replied that anyone could hear with her such a loud voice. My daughter was so angry that she put my things outside the door and ordered me to leave. She even pushed me out when I didn’t move. I held back my tears, and walked out.

How could my daughter treat me this way? I decided not to visit my daughter even if she invited me. After a while, I calmed down and realized that I couldn’t just leave, otherwise I would be behaving like her. I was the one to blame for today’s incident. I shouldn’t be angry with my daughter. I was wrong and I should not leave.

So I grabbed my luggage and walked back to my daughter's. My granddaughter was happy to see me back. She asked, “Grandma, why did you come back?” I said, “I am a Dafa practitioner.” My granddaughter told me that her mother asked her to bring me back after I left. But she didn’t catch up with me because she went to the north gate, while I went to the west gate. I know nothing is accidental. The result would have been different if my granddaughter had tried to bring me back from the west gate (before I’d had time to think things over).

Master said,

“Whenever you come across anything such as troubles, unpleasant things, or confrontations with others, you need to examine yourself and search within. You will find the reason that has kept the problem from being resolved.” (Lecture at the First Conference in North America)

My understanding was limited to thinking that I should not argue with her as I am a Dafa practitioner. I didn’t think about changing myself. Although I didn’t argue with her on the surface, I was quite resentful in my heart. I always wanted to change my daughter, but not myself. That’s the problem. I needed to change myself first.

Therefore, I began to smile a lot and treat everything with a peaceful mind. My daughter is not as picky as before. Sometimes, when she does blame me for something, I just admit I am wrong and promise to do better next time, rather than being resentful.

After a period of time, my daughter told me that I changed, and I could take criticism. I came to understand that I had a strong attachment of not taking criticism. It is the self-esteem developed from childhood. This self-esteem is the attachment to saving face. My daughter was helping me to get rid of these human attachments. How could my attachments be exposed without my daughter making trouble for me? 

Once, I made steamed buns but the filling was too salty. My daughter didn’t complain at all. She ate the skin of the buns only and left the filling in the dish and saved it for the next meal. If this had happened before, she would have complained a lot and refused to eat. My daughter has also changed for the better.

Dafa changed me and my daughter. I thank my daughter for helping me get rid of my attachments. I am grateful to have such a daughter.