(Minghui.org) I began practicing Falun Dafa in 2003. In our group of practitioners I was the last one to start practicing. Because I placed great importance on Fa study I often shared many of my own understandings and insights when we met.

The other practitioners said that even though I was a latecomer I had a good understanding of the Fa so were eager to discuss the teachings with me. I felt this was an affirmation of my efforts. I did not consider whether my feeling pleased was an attachment, nor did I truly know how to cultivate myself.

Because I refused to stop practicing I was illegally sentenced to two years in a labor camp. Under Master’s protection, and with the support of fellow practitioners’ righteous thoughts, I relied on my firm faith in the Fa, and I refused to compromise with the persecutors. The other practitioners praised me and said I was a “hero.”

Because I endured such brutal persecution after practicing for only a year and a half, I also believed it was truly a significant achievement that I remained steadfast. I did look inward at the time, and felt I was persecuted because I had a strong attachment to doing things. However, I ignored my attachments to validating myself and showing off.

It was not until last year, while I helped my father (a fellow practitioner) overcome a sickness karma tribulation, that I realized I should share this experience with others. In the process I discovered my deep-rooted attachments.

Although my intentions seemed good, I tried to use righteous thoughts and righteous actions to inspire my father, so I constantly talked about my experiences—I didn’t realize I had a strong desire to show off. I was unable to calm down when I sent righteous thoughts—images of my time in the labor camp kept replaying in my mind. I realized that I’d been feeding my attachment to showing off and my desire to validate myself, but I thought I was helping the other practitioners.

When I immediately negated these thoughts and began to eliminate them they became very intense, but I kept rejecting them. My inner voice said, “You are doing well; your righteous thoughts are very strong. If this had happened to someone else, they might not have been able to pass the test so successfully!”

I used to believe there was nothing wrong with thinking this way. These two attachments were strong and kept resurfacing. I realized I hadn’t understood their root cause and my cultivation was superficial.

This realization began when I started looking inward. My parents are elderly and they have a hard time looking inward. After I helped my father overcome a sickness karma tribulation I realized the importance of solid and genuine cultivation.

Through intensive Fa study, and listening to experience-sharing articles by fellow practitioners, I achieved a breakthrough regarding looking inward—I finally grasped its essence. I realized I needed to encourage my practitioner parents to diligently, and solidly cultivate.

My mother is a coordinator and over the years did a lot to validate Dafa, but she still has a very volatile temper. She has an extroverted personality and flies off the handle at the slightest provocation.

Whenever I notice something I point it out to her. Lately, the most prominent traits she’s displayed are a domineering behavior, a need to prove herself, and a desire to show off. I tried to discuss this with her repeatedly but she refused to listen.

Through studying the Fa, and listening to articles shared by others, I suddenly realized that for years I’d actually been trying to “cultivate” others. I never examined myself to see if I had those traits. No wonder my mother couldn’t see her obvious attachments—Master wanted us to improve together!

I kept insisting I was right and demanding the other person accept my view. Wasn’t I just showing off, and trying to validate my own understanding? How could the words I said which were motivated by my many attachments possibly be pure? Yet, I had the audacity to claim it was all for her own good.

Furthermore, the idea that I had strong, righteous thoughts, and was doing well did not originate in my true self at all. It stemmed from a desire to show off and validate myself—thoughts planted by my “false self.”

When I had these realizations I felt deeply apologetic to Master. It is Master who is rectifying everything. Without Master’s blessings, how could I have these righteous thoughts? Master unconditionally guided my cultivation, yet I was deluded by attachments, and I took credit. I am deeply ashamed. Please forgive me, Master. I was foolish, and now realize my mistake!

I gained further insights into why some people idolize fellow practitioners, rather than study the Fa. I realized that we may be misled by a mindset of validating ourselves.

We focus on how well someone appears to have cultivated, or how impressive and strong their righteous thoughts are. We ignore Master’s arrangements, and how powerful Dafa is.

This mindset inverts the proper order of priorities; it is highly deceptive and cunning, conjuring up a host of high-sounding reasons to convince you that such thinking is correct. When human attachments are strong, you might mistakenly believe these thoughts are your own—what a terrifying attachment this is! We must remain vigilant.

Ultimately, the desire to validate oneself, and the display of a “show-off” mentality stem from selfishness are characteristics of the old universe which we do not want. We must become beings of the new universe, who are selfless and altruistic. We should cultivate diligently, rectify ourselves and lead all sentient beings to return home with Master!

This is my understanding at my current level. Please kindly point out anything inappropriate.