(Minghui.org) I began practicing Falun Dafa (Falun Gong) when I was 24 years old. After I began cultivating, I conducted myself according to Dafa’s principles of Truthfulness, Compassion, and Forbearance at work, and reminded myself to always do my best.
In every position I held, I earned the trust of my supervisors, was frequently recognized as an outstanding employee, and received promotions. I also got along very well with my colleagues.
When dealing with difficult customers at work, even when they were unreasonable or verbally abusive, I was able to refrain from arguing and followed the Fa principle to: “... not strike back when hit or talk back when cursed at.” (Lecture Given at the Conference in Sydney)
However, I found it more difficult to uphold this principle when facing conflicts within my family, and sometimes I wavered. I would like to share with fellow practitioners some of my cultivation experiences in dealing with family conflicts.
Growing up, I developed the notion that my husband should be weaker than me so I could be the one in charge at home. This mindset stemmed from what I witnessed in my family and the hardships my mother endured. I, too, was treated poorly when I was young because of the preference for sons over daughters in the rural area where I grew up.
As a result, my mother chose a non-practitioner husband for me whom she considered weaker in many respects. After we married, I tried to control everything my husband did and expected him to obey me. Over time, this created deep resentment and distrust in him. Unable to overcome my strong personality, he suppressed his dissatisfaction, while I remained unaware of how he truly felt. Because we lived apart for extended periods, our underlying conflicts remained hidden.
We began living together in 2022. I noticed that he had some health issues and his temper had become more volatile. He would sometimes become angry for no apparent reason. At times, I could not help but argue with him, only to afterward regret that I had failed to control my own temper. Living together brought a series of conflicts to the surface.
Through continuous Fa study and looking inward, I began to see my own problems. As a wife, I should be gentle and considerate towards my husband, instead of overbearing and controlling. After realizing this, I began holding myself to the standards of a cultivator. I tried not to be domineering or argue with him, and instead allowed him to make the decisions.
After a while, however, I noticed that his attitude towards me seemed even worse. The less I argued, the more unreasonable he became. Whenever I expressed my opinion, he would say, “You never listen to me.”
I usually spoke up because I saw problems with his approach or his understanding of the situation. I thought I was simply offering well-intentioned advice, rather than trying to impose my views on him, but he still perceived me as domineering and controlling.
Sometimes I thought, “Before I started practicing Dafa, my attitude towards you was poor, but you behaved better. Now I let you make the decisions, yet you treat me worse. Should I become forceful again and control you?” But then I reminded myself that I am a practitioner. I must hold myself to the standard of a cultivator rather than follow ordinary human notions.
Looking deeper, I discovered many attachments: looking down on my husband, wanting to prove myself, competitiveness, showing off, resentment, and jealousy. Behind all these attachments was selfishness. After so many years of cultivation, I realized that my jealousy was still very strong.
After recognizing these problems, I became more vigilant about my negative thoughts. I paid close attention to every thought that arose and tried to maintain a kind and compassionate heart, without resentment or hatred, and to find joy even amid hardship.
Gradually, when my husband spoke harshly to me even though I treated him kindly, I was no longer moved. I could calmly accept his behavior without resentment. I simply wanted to treat him well without expecting anything in return.
One day, my husband was in a bad mood and was upset by some harsh words my brother had said. At the dinner table, he vented his frustration with my brother on me. To calm him down, I said, “Divine beings are watching over us. When someone speaks harshly to you, you may gain virtue. But if you turn around and curse or resent that person, you may give the virtue back.”
Instead of calming down, he became even more upset. He slapped me on the right cheek and then on the left and asked, “Is this good? Do you like that?”
I smiled and said, “Could you slap me one more time?”
He then walked away. A trace of anger flashed across my mind, but it disappeared almost instantly. I was able to remain calm and not fight back because of my long-term Fa study. Master’s teachings had taken root in my heart.
Looking back, I realize that the peaceful and happy life I lead today is only possible because I was fortunate enough to cultivate Falun Dafa. Had I not become a practitioner, I would likely be influenced by notions formed in my family environment, struggling painfully through conflicts and fighting to get what I wanted.
I sincerely hope that kindhearted people can see through the Chinese Communist Party’s lies and remember to recite, “Falun Dafa is good, Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good.” May they all be blessed with happiness and a bright future.
Thank you, Master, for spreading Dafa and guiding us on the path of returning to our true selves.