I Still Want to Cultivate Dafa

In the face of severe trials, I was shaken and betrayed the Dafa, and even betrayed the Teacher. Under the pressure, I became an accomplice to the evil. I exerted a negative influence on the Dafa and on the cultivation of other Dafa practitioners.

The attachments in my heart were exposed in the face of the trials, fear and sentimentality were like walls blocking my way, and I could not overcome them. I lost my ability to reason in front of the cardinal issues of right and wrong. Instead of understanding the Fa based on the Fa, I understood the Fa using everyday people's notions. It just indicated that I did not study the Fa enough, my enlightenment quality was not good, and my Xinxing was not high. As a result, I could not stick to Dafa in critical times and my heart was shaken.

During the five-month illegal detention, I did not study the Fa for a long time, and my brain became filled with lies. I also knew in my heart that Dafa was good and Teacher was good, but I just could not ascend. I once even became disheartened, unwilling to communicate with fellow practitioners, and dared not positively resist the behaviors that damage the Fa. I just want to find a quiet place to cultivate. Especially in the issue of rectifying the Fa, I still held the interest of human based on human, and flaunted with the excuses of "noninterference in politics", "keeping human society order", the actual purpose was to hide my own fear and defend the evils that were suppressing Falun Gong.

Through studying the Fa and exchanging views with other practitioners, I regained my lost nature. I feel deep regret for my past, and gradually have come to understand what happened based on the Fa.

After studying Teacher's new articles and lectures, I remember Teacher's words: "Validate the Fa with reason, clarify the truth with wisdom, spread the Fa and offer people salvation with benevolence--this is establishing the mighty virtue of an enlightened being." And treat myself as a genuine practitioner, study the Fa diligently, cultivate my Xinxing in tribulations, give up all the attachments, and go home with the Teacher.

I deeply regret my past mistakes, but I will not be discouraged. I will "work harder to retrieve the loss in clarifying the truth" and cultivate to the end.

Shouqiang Zhang, former practice center coordinator in Shangdong province

December 14 2000