A Letter from A PhD Student to His Parents

Dear Dad and Mom:

Greetings!

Since I left home in March, I haven't written a letter to you for a long time. One reason is that I have been so obsessed with self-blame and regret that I could not write about my actions and thoughts with a calm heart. I was also concerned that anything you considered unfavorable on my side would cause you further misunderstanding of Falun Gong. For another, with your lack of rational sublimation in understanding life and Dafa (the great Law) based upon genuine cultivation, I was not sure how my letter would help you better understand.

What happened during the Spring Festival [Chinese New Year] was regrettable. I understood what you did but could not accept it: I was kept at home and deprived the right of writing a letter, making phone calls or even going outside. You treated me as private property and thus inflicted more pains upon yourselves. Everything has its cause and effect and importunity cannot solve any problem. For me, it was most painful to have violated my belief of "Zhen-Shan-Ren" (Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance) and told lies against my conscience, which was unforgivable! For quite a long time, I felt bitterness towards you every now and then. I know it is not right to have such feelings; I fell short of the requirements of a Dafa practitioner. It is not until now that I feel I can, with sufficient benevolence, face you and all those who are painfully contending and fighting in the maze. Therefore, I calmly sit here writing this letter.

As an ancient proverb goes "You can adjust your clothes and hat with copper as your mirror; you can be clearer about gain and loss with a human as your mirror; you can tell the rise and fall with history as your mirror". Here the "gain and loss" does not mean those of personal interests, but that we should find out our shortcomings and weaknesses by looking at other people's merits. However, in a society where everyone is contending, fighting, deceiving and cheating for his or her personal interests, everyone is participating in the so-called "competition for survival" to satisfy his or her personal desires, everyone does not feel shameful for telling lies and acting against his or her conscience under the pressure from those in power, where can we find a "human mirror"? Should we learn from other people to be slick and sly in dealing with society and be selfish?

When no one cares about corrupted conceptions, one cannot see his or her own deficiencies. When everybody feels that this is OK and takes "only taking care of oneself" as the motto, who will regard others as one's "human mirror"? Whenever encountering a person, one will first think whether his interest will be hurt. "Everyone becomes a close foe of others." Everyone wraps himself up and lives without happiness. Is this the meaning of life? In such a society, everyone keeps the only remaining kindness for his or her relatives and friends. But when the fight for interests explodes among themselves, even such remaining kindness vanishes.

"Those who go after fame spend their whole life with anger and hatred; those who go after profit care nothing even for their kin; those who go after affection are just inviting vexation and accumulating karma through bitter fights for their whole life... [From Hong Yin, Teacher's poem collection]

I have always held that life should be eternal and should be for others with a broader significance, and human nature should be the kindest and the most beautiful. However, during the course of my continuous pursuit and harvesting of worldly fame and profits, I found myself losing the kind and beautiful part of my human nature. "A person is like a container: he is whatever he contains." ("Dissolving Into the Fa", from Essentials for Further Advancement) I often fell victim to a mood of conflict and remorse because of my postnatal conceptions. I felt more and more helpless and could do nothing but to accept such a reality: maybe human beings can never break away from their ego and be freed from the sufferings of birth, old age, illness and death. Such a feeling often overwhelmed me, making me feel so sad for the insignificance and helplessness of human beings.

Even until now you might not be able to understand why I am so determined in cultivating Falun Dafa. How lucky it is for a human being to get to know the true meaning of life and hear about "Zhen-Shan-Ren" in this lifetime! Every time the thought occurs to me, my heart is filled with grandeur and solemnity, and I cannot help shedding tears. Think about it: Human beings contend and fight for their personal interests in the maze and ignorantly hurt others as well as themselves, inflicting on themselves the pains of birth, old age, illness and death. It is Dafa that revealed to me the cause of all these sufferings and told me what is good, what is bad, what is righteous and what is evil. Dafa pulled me out of the filthy mud and cleaned all the dirty stuff for me. Isn't that the truth I've been always looking for?

Ever since I truly recognized what this Dafa is, my life attained a new meaning. Without the harassment of ailments, without the pain from intriguing against other people, my life becomes easy and pleasant, and the tranquility and serenity in me is beyond your imagination. My life has taken on a new meaning because of cultivation practice and the guidance of "Zhen-Shan-Ren". Teacher told us the different requirements of "Zhen-Shan-Ren" for lives at different levels, and the boundless Fa (the Law) for continual sublimation to different levels. What I have enlightened to in the practice of genuine cultivation is incommunicable to non-cultivators. What Teacher has given us practitioners is also given to every being and every living form in this universe without any conditions. How could I not cherish this opportunity? In this lifetime, I came for the Fa and I will leave with the Fa.

Now perhaps you can understand why millions of Falun Dafa practitioners would continue to go to Tiananmen Square by putting everything behind them. They are there to appeal to the government and to tell others a truth: "Falun Dafa is good."The moment they raised up the yellow banners of "Zhen-Shan-Ren" on the Tiananmen Square, kind-hearted people were moved by the pure and glorious images they displayed and much-admired them. When the uniformed policemen and plainclothes agents rushed in to beat and kick them, virtuous people saw the evils in the policemen and the great compassion and forbearance of Dafa practitioners at the same time. Kindness and evil were thus exposed undisguised beneath the blue sky and white clouds, like a landscape painting in black and white. Black is black and white is white. Without using any words, millions of Falun Dafa practitioners rinsed the dirty water and mud poured upon Dafa and our Teacher in numerous moments of silence.

You might not be aware that I also went to Tiananmen Square on June 18th. I felt that as a practitioner with the same belief of "Zhen-Shan-Ren", I should not just care about myself. For the sake of all those living beings still ignorantly creating karma and for the innocence of Dafa, I must step forward and speak out. I felt so pure-hearted and serene when I held up the banner in Tiananmen Square. In this way, I showed the people in the world what "Zhen-Shan-Ren" is and clearly separated myself from the evils. Following that, the procedure was routine: Dafa practitioners were beaten, dragged into police vehicles by their hair and taken to the Tiananmen Branch Police Station. Nearly 200 Dafa practitioners from different parts of the country showed banners or practiced exercises in the Square that day and were jailed together. Some practitioners arrived at the square by breaking the blockades in their hometowns, and by walking for over 30 days. One "Senior Revolution Soldier" (68 years old) that came from the northwest had participated in the Korean War.He was thrown into jail just for reporting his experiences in cultivating Falun Gong to the government. Even so, no practitioners showed resentment or hatred. When I told them that it took me almost a year to step forward and speak out about the truth after they started pouring dirty water on Dafa, I burst into tears for my selfish, wretched soul and the "repentance letter" I had written under the pressure...

I was put into criminal detention for 30 days, and subsequently was jailed with 15 or so criminal convicts, among them were swindlers, kidnappers, drug addicts and traffickers. In the beginning they had very bad attitudes towards Falun Gong and me due to the influence of the lies from the government. I patiently explained to them the principles of "Zhen-Shan-Ren" in guiding people's conducts; the various predestined relationships, and the causes and effects in this world. At the same time, I practiced "Zhen-Shan-Ren" with my own words and actions. On the third day when we had lunch together, they suddenly became very friendly to me and told me that they also believed in "Zhen-Shan-Ren" and thought Falun Gong was good. Once again I could not suppress my tears, for the inexpressible mighty virtue of "Zhen-Shan-Ren" and the Buddha's nature awakened in these convicts' hearts... They just committed wrong deeds unknowingly in the maze; some simply did this occasionally. In the past my mind was full of bad thoughts and I also fought for my personal interests. Was I any better than them at that time?

After that, nobody in my cell said anything bad about Falun Gong. Some said they would learn Falun Gong from me after they were released, which made me very gratified. In addition, in this environment, I found out some deeply rooted selfish thoughts. They sprang up occasionally but then were suppressed by me. This is cultivation, simple yet sometimes a painful and unforgettable experience.

Perhaps you don't understand why I, as a PhD student at a prestigious university, could believe in "God", "Buddha", and what is told in Falun Gong. That's because you have never carefully read Zhuan Falun with a pure heart. While reading the book you were judging it with the conceptions formed in all your previous and current lifetimes. The purely true and virtuous parts of your nature were deeply suppressed so that you could not see the implications of this book. If you can abandon the distorted criterions for judging good and bad you acquired in this secular world and read the book with a kind intention, you will find that in fact Buddha, Tao and God are not superstition, and it is just that modern science cannot detect the other dimensions where they reside. Furthermore, the degradation of human morality dictates that humans cannot elevate themselves into such a high level and thus they will only believe in what they can see and touch. You will also understand that all the tribulations suffered by human beings are not incidental and they all have their causes.

I don't want you to get hurt because of me. But my life resides in Dafa. Actually the same is true with you. I must be responsible for Dafa and my own cultivation. This is determined by the original creation of my life and cannot be changed. I hope you can treat this issue with a kind heart.

I may be forced to quit the university pretty soon. It's not a shame to be forced to quit because of holding onto the belief of "Zhen-Shan-Ren" and pursuing the eternal meaning of life. On the contrary, the evil抯 conduct (of forcing me out of school) is reprehensible. A person cannot just obey others like a slave. Therefore I will not give them any cooperation. I hope you will not help them with the procedure of forcing me to quit school either.

Please take good care of yourselves!

Your Son (Name omitted)

August 2000