Written on 3/20/2003
(Clearwisdom.net) I was weak and sick ever since I was young. Sometimes, the migraine headaches I experienced caused me such great pain that I would pound my head against the wall. Whenever I lowered my head, I felt as if my head was about to split and my eyeballs were about to pop out. I was often sent for emergency treatment at midnight. I grew up with all kinds of medications and my parents worried about me daily. I couldn't understand: why did I come to this world? Why do I live such a painful life?
After I began working, I often had to ask for leave of absence due to illnesses. I was thin because of gastroptosis and I couldn't eat many kinds of food; I had difficulty walking because I had rheumatic arthritis. I was a competitive person and often suffered from insomnia.
In order to get healthy, I practiced many different types of qigong [traditional Chinese exercise] but I didn't persist in any of them because they only taught exercises with no principles or xinxing [heart and mind nature] requirements. I bought a Buddhist scripture and read it at home, and I wanted to escape samsara [the cycle of birth and death as described in Buddhism]. However, no one taught me and I didn't know how to cultivate. Then, I practiced a sham qigong and treated patients. I incurred more troubles in addition to the illnesses I had. Sometimes, I was so afraid that I couldn't fall asleep at night, and my insomnia grew more serious. I was in a wasted state of mind and my face looked terrible.
In August 1996, my friend gave me a copy of the book Zhuan Falun. He told me that it was a book that truly teaches people how to cultivate. I couldn't put the book down after reading it. I saw light and my heart was filled with joy.
Within a month of cultivation, my body was purified and I was light-hearted. I was no longer afraid of walking alone at night and my face became rosy. As I practiced, I took fame and fortune more and more lightly. My family became harmonious and our relationship grew close. I worked hard at work and didn't fight for self interest anymore. I didn't care about how much I was paid and my mind was calm. I was completely changed. During the great flood of 1998, my work unit asked everyone to donate 50 Yuan, while I donated 600 Yuan, and I also donated 600 Yuan to help kids who couldn't afford school. I could never do these before I practiced Dafa.
Later, my work unit assigned me to a financial position and I had to learn an accounting software. I knew nothing about computer and I had to use it after studying the software for one week. Because the time was short and I had no prior experience, many problems surfaced that hindered my work. Sometimes my head hurt from thinking hard. I calmed down and thought: I am a Dafa practitioner. Dafa practice would open my wisdom and Dafa practitioners can endure what ordinary people cannot. Nothing can put me off. I constantly overcame problems and often worked overtime. Although the amount of work was great and so was the pressure, I was always high-spirited and was never tired. I absolutely could not do this before I practiced Dafa.
I completed the computerized accounting assignment that was dreaded by everyone at my work unit. Other companies also sent employees to study it but no one was able to do it. At the end of the year, my work unit was praised by our superior department because our financial analysis and form report were on time and accurate. We were praised as the model work unit because we were the first one to complete computerized accounting. The head of my work unit was very happy. He asked me, "Who else does this and practices Falun Gong? Let's get him to work here." My colleagues witnessed the tremendous change in my physical and mental state after I practiced Dafa, many people began reading Dafa books and several of them came to our practice site and joined group exercise. My supervisor twice sent a car to help me transport Dafa books and materials for our practice site.
During cultivation, I required myself to act according to Truth-Compassion-Tolerance. I always appeared in a spirited manner and demonstrated a Dafa practitioner's greatness. My work performance, my words and actions deeply impressed the heads of my work unit and higher work units, and all of my colleagues respected me. I benefited physically and mentally through Dafa practice and was happy beyond description.
Drastic Change
Starting on July 20, 1999, Dafa and Dafa practitioners suffered an unprecedented persecution. On July 20, 1999, I was taken to a police department and interrogated. I was asked who was the organizer for our practice site and what activities were conducted. The heads of my work unit knew clearly that Dafa practitioners are good people, yet under pressure, he coerced me to write a guarantee statement and to criticize Falun Gong. He also threatened me that I won't be allowed to work if I didn't write a guarantee statement. He talked to me very often and picked me out during large and small meetings to force me to give up cultivation. Many people estranged from me and didn't dare to say a single just word. I simply could not understand what was wrong with practicing Truth- Compassion-Tolerance? Why would good people be the target of persecution?
After a period of calm thinking, I realized that I did nothing wrong in practicing Dafa. Dafa made me healthy and made me a noble person. I should say some just words to the government. In late 1999, I signed a banner that read, "Falun Dafa is good" and was taken to the police department the second time for interrogation. After I returned, my work unit withheld my seasonal bonus and the superior work unit sent a deputy general manager and a division chief to "educate" me. The "610 Office" forced me to pay 5,000 Yuan guarantee money and they confiscated my ID.
In June 2000, I went to Beijing to appeal and was stopped by police, who sent me back and illegally detained me for two months. I suffered inhuman treatments and all kinds of tortures. The political and security division of the police department extorted 10,000 Yuan before they released me. My work unit gave me a one-year administration punishment and withheld my salary and bonus, and I was given only a minimum subsistence fee. I was also given the most tiring and dirty work that no one else wanted to do. I had to do my work while I received pressure from various areas. The salary and bonus that was withheld from me totaled more than 20,000 Yuan. In December 2000, I went to appeal again and was arrested by "610 Office" workers at a train station because I didn't have my ID. I was extorted of more than 1,200 Yuan and was picked up by local police. In 2001, I was reported by thugs when posting truth clarification flyers and was again illegally detained for nearly two months. During detention, the head of my work unit tried his best to make me give up cultivation and enticed me with promotion, salary and recovery of former job position. He also tried to have a collaborator [former Falun Gong practitioners who have gone astray due to torture and brainwashing] to brainwash me. I was sent to forced labor. However, I didn't give up my fundamental attachment amidst the pressure and was afraid of becoming someone like the collaborator. So I did something a Dafa practitioner should not do. After I returned home, my phone was cut off and I was locked inside my room and not allowed to contact the outside. I deeply regretted my action and felt I let Master down and was unworthy of Dafa. My work unit continued to coerce me to write a guarantee statement or they would expel me. My family also pressured me out of fear. Under the circumstances, I wrote a guarantee statement saying I would no longer practice, yet I didn't want to give up Dafa and was trapped in confusion and mental pain.
After this inner conflict, I decided to go out to find fellow practitioners. With help and encouragement from fellow practitioners, I began to study the Fa and found my fundamental attachment. I published a solemn announcement on Minghui Net and returned to cultivation. My work unit asked me to return to work and extended the administration punishment. They continued to pay me minimum subsistence fee. However, "Coercion Cannot Change People's Hearts" [Master's scripture in Essentials for Further Advancement II], I decided to quit and asked for my guarantee statement. Where my statement took effect, I proved with my actions that everything I wrote and said that doesn't conform to Dafa is void. I have decided that during Fa-rectification, I fully immerse myself into Fa-rectification, eliminate all interferences and make up for the losses I had caused Dafa .
My father changed his attitude from pressuring me to supporting me in clarifying the truth
I encountered much resistance when I made the decision. The old forces want to destroy all that Dafa gave me. They not only directly persecute the practitioners by putting them in labor camps or prisons but also indirectly create tribulations to the practitioners through false propaganda that has deceived many of the practitioners' family members. My family members couldn't realize the nature of the evil persecution and tried to stop me using every possible ways.
First was the pressure from my father. I began to clarify the truth to my father, "If there is no such persecution, how harmonious the family would be. I can go to work and practice as usual. There would be no need to go to appeal that caused me to be detained. However, practicing is prohibited. If I don't practice and get sick, who will suffer for it and who will pay the medical bills? You care for me and worry about my health condition. You know the benefits I got from practicing Dafa and know Dafa is good. If you truly care for me, please respect my choice and support me, so that I can do better in my cultivation."
When I put down all the burdens and became a dignified practitioner again, I told my father, "I am very happy now. Don't you feel happy when you see how happy I am?" My father immediately said, "It's good to be happy! Good to be happy!" Since then, my father didn't cause me any pressure. Once, while I was distributing the truth materials, my father imitated how practitioners send forth righteous thoughts for me at home. My father changed completely through my efforts to clarify the truth.
I learned to have indestructible righteous thoughts in dealing with the family relationship
The second was the pressure from my husband. He threatened me with divorce. He stayed at his work unit and didn't come back home. When I asked him to come back, he said, "I will not come home if you don't change." I sincerely advised him, "To sleep on the sofa at the work unit is not good for your health and you cannot have a good rest. If you are simply annoyed with me, I can stay outside until you no are longer annoyed with me. I'm a practitioner and I can suffer any hardships." My sincere words moved him. He began to come back home, but he would either come back late or drunk.
He wanted to divorce me. At the beginning, I agreed, "If my situation affects you and you can't endure the suffering, I will give you the freedom. But the property must be divided half and half if we divorce." He was surprised, "You are a practitioner. Does a practitioner contend for property as well?" I told him, "A practitioner also needs to live. I can't sleep on the side of road. Furthermore, I own half of the property. I own it through my labor." He was shocked by the conversation.
Later on, I realized I wasn't taking a righteous path. Why should I agree to divorce? So I told my husband, "I can't agree to the divorce. I didn't do anything wrong to you. If I divorced you, how would others think about Dafa and me? So I can't agree to divorce you." He told me, "It doesn't matter whether you agree or not. I can sue you." I told him, "Go ahead. You are afraid that I will affect your opportunities for power and money. However, three or five years later, how will others think of you?" He stopped bringing up the subject of divorce ever since.
My husband's attitude also influenced his colleagues and friends. They all looked at me oddly and spoke to me sarcastically. They dragged my husband out to drink every night and treated me as an enemy. I tried to communicate with my husband but he was always drunk. I tolerated the situation silently for a long time. I calmed down to study the Fa and looked inward. I realized the situation was not right. The old forces were taking advantage of my kindness. If I kept accommodating to my husband, it would to destroy him.
One time during a dinner party, in front of his friends and colleagues, my husband made fun of me again and said some insulting words to me. This time, I didn't keep silent. I started to correct his wrong doings. I said to him loudly, "Did I do something wrong? You and others keep making fun of me again and again. And I have tolerated you again and again. However, instead of restraining yourself, you become more aggravated. I cultivate Dafa and want to be a good person. Is it wrong? I became healthier and loftier. People respect me because of my cultivation of Dafa everywhere I go. I do everything in a dignified manner. However, you and your friends always make fun of me. Is it that what you want is for me to become a bad person? If anything I did was wrong, let me know and I will correct myself absolutely." He was shocked by my words and couldn't say anything at that time. On the evening of that day, he called me and acted as if nothing happened. He came back home on time.
From this experience, I understood what Master said, "Indestructible righteous faith in the cosmos's Truth forms benevolent Dafa disciples' rock-solid, Diamond-Like Bodies, it frightens all evil, and the light of Truth it emanates makes the unrighteous elements in all beings' thoughts disintegrate. However strong the righteous thoughts are, that's how great the power is. Dafa disciples are truly stepping forward out of ordinary humanness." (From "Also in a Few Words")
I tell the truth to everyone I have contact with
Because of my husband's change, his colleagues also gradually changed. Each time I talked with them I would patiently tell them the truth. With a Dafa practitioners' pure compassion, I told them Falun Dafa is good, and also about the persecution that Dafa practitioners suffered and are suffering.
One day one of my husband's friends who had once scolded me with some very coarse words came to my home. I did not hate him, but told him the facts, how Dafa has suffered from persecution, and how my body and mind have both benefited after practicing, and the changes that happened to me. I also told him that although Dafa practitioners have withstood a lot of pain, they still treat other people compassionately. I told him that treating Dafa and Dafa practitioners kindly would bring him a glorious future. After he understood the truth he said to me, "Finally, I can understand you. In the future, whatever materials you have, give them to me. I will help you distribute them. Because I don't practice, nobody will find out." His rationality moved me to tears.
I started to tell the truth to my colleagues and the people around me. I also gave them the truth-clarifying materials and discs. Sometimes, when my colleagues came to my home for potlucks, I would use this opportunity to show them the truth clarifying discs. After I clarified the truth to people around me, most of them were able to change their thoughts, and said that they are not against Dafa now. At the same time I also brought the DVD machine to my out-of-town relatives' and friends' homes to tell them the truth. The effect was very good. Some relatives and friends even expressed their willingness to learn Dafa in the future.
Once I met three girls. I told them the changes I experienced after I started to practice Falun Gong, and also the persecution I suffered. They listened attentively. One girl even shed some tears. She asked me, "You have lost that much, don't you regret it?" I said, "No, I don't regret anything. What I have gained from Dafa is worth more than anything I can buy. Regardless of how much I lose, I don't regret it." I talked with them for one and a half hours but they still did not want me to leave, and asked me to tell them more when I have time again.
Teacher said, "You are cultivators, whose conduct is [supposed to be] pure and righteous. There are so many people who think you're great just by having seen how you act. If we don't pay attention to our own behavior in our daily lives, everyday people will see our actions and, since they can't get to know you at a deep level such as by studying the Fa, they will just look at you act. And it's possible that one sentence or one action of yours will make them unsavable or create a bad impression of Dafa. We need to think about these things." ("Teaching the Fa at the 2002 Fa Conference in Boston")
Once, together with another practitioner, I came across a lady on a bus. When the bus suddenly stopped, she unconsciously hit me twice. I did not blame her, but smiled at her kindly. In addition, I squeezed inside to make some room and let her sit down. She felt very grateful to us. We started to tell the truth. One of us told her the truth, while the other sent forth righteous thoughts. We answered all the questions she asked. An elderly man sitting in the front row also paid attention to what we said. I then raised my voice and sent forth righteous thoughts in order to enable all the people around us to hear what we were saying and accept what we said. The elderly man smiled while listening. We got rid of the heart of fear, and the more we spoke, the more natural we felt. That lady completely accepted what we told her. When getting off the bus, the elderly man gave us the " thumbs up" sign and said, "You are really great."
Afterwards, wherever I went, I would tell the truth to everyone I came in contact with. In several months, I went to many places and accumulated many truth-clarifying experiences. When I told the truth, the majority of people could accept it. This enabled me to feel what Teacher said,
"He comes with the Truth, which gives him full control
And travels the four seas with a free and easy spirit
Spreading the Fa's principles throughout the secular world
Loaded full with sentient beings, his Fa Boat sets sail"
("Tathagata", Hong Yin)
When problems evolved while clarifying the truth, I would promptly search inside of myself, to find out whether or not it was because that I did not study the Fa sufficiently, I did not send forth righteous thoughts in time, I was not compassionate enough, or I had some attachments to lay aside. Through this process I gave up many attachments and the heart of fears. Regardless of sensitive days [Chinese holidays or when the Chinese government has some important conventions, on these days the Chinese government would send more police to harass and arrest Dafa practitioners], or some other special days, I had never stopped telling the truth to people. I constantly improved my xinxing and level of cultivation.
Dafa gives me the wisdom. In the course of assisting Teacher with rectifying the Fa, I have become more mature and more rational. Regardless of how much I lose in the human world, I will steadfastly step forward on the road of assisting Teacher with rectifying the Fa. I will also walk better and steadier.
