1. Attaining Falun Dafa
I'm a 48-year-old practitioner in Mainland China. I had been thinking about the meaning of life since I was very young. One day in June 1998, I fortunately found the book Zhuan Falun, this priceless treasure, which solved all the mysteries I had pondered. I just had one thought at that time--I finally found the home that my soul can return to.
Nevertheless, when I was immersed in this boundless joy, Jiang's regime started the frenzied persecution of Falun Gong. Since then I have started my difficult path of Fa-rectification. Looking back over the past five years of this difficult journey, with gradual and deeper understanding of the Fa, I felt deeply moved. It was Master who suffered extensively for me so that I, a karma-laden person, could become a genuine Falun Dafa particle. Master has poured his care and energy into my every step forward.
2. Gradually Getting Rid of the Need for Recognition, Personal Interests and Emotions from Three Trips to Beijing to Appeal on Behalf of Dafa
On July 22, 1999, the entire national media stopped all other programs except those programs to slander Falun Gong, which were broadcast all day long. I couldn't believe that a government could frame people and concoct such a flood of lies. I kept walking around in the room and couldn't calm down. I went to ask fellow practitioners what we could do. At that time we all felt that there was nothing we could do to help. This lasted until September.
On September 7, 1999, I left a letter for my husband. Two other practitioners and I got on the train to Beijing. We just wanted to know then what was going on in Beijing, in order to decide what we should do next. It was a period when the restrictions on practitioners were very severe. We immediately encountered a check by police when we just got on the train. Since we were very calm, we arrived in Beijing without any trouble. The situation in Beijing was very tense, too. Police could be seen close by and would come to check the passers-by. We stayed at a small hotel. The police came every night to check.
We stayed in Beijing for four days and did nothing before returning home. A boy was sitting across from me on the train back. The more I looked at him, the more I thought he looked like my son, which made me miss my son. Coming back home, my husband didn't blame me but showed more care toward me. The next day he left a letter for me before going to work. He wrote, "I work every day for this home, so that you and our son can be happy. We have been together for about 20 years. I have tried to satisfy every request of yours because you are so important to me and I couldn't live without you." I cried after reading the letter. Looking at the new apartment we bought and comfortable home, the attachment to comfort arose in me and I really didn't want to leave home again.
Soon after, I had a dream that Master gave me a hint that the mission of Dafa practitioners was to validate Dafa. I felt distressed and anguished after waking up. While the evildoing people had slandered Master, and 100 million people had been deprived of their right to practice Falun Dafa, how could I enjoy a comfortable life at home? I decided to go to Beijing again.
My husband then got sick. My mother-in-law and father-in-law stayed at my home. I told them of my decision to go to Beijing. My mother-in-law tried to persuade me, " I'll give you money. Let Gang (my husband) tour the country with you. Just don't go to Beijing." I didn't change my mind. My mother-in-law felt I was so stubborn and went home in anger. My husband beat me after sending his parents home. While beating me he said, "It's the first time I beat you after over 20 years." I was very calm. That night I calmly explained to my husband why I must go to Beijing. My husband said, "I felt sorry for having beaten you after all. Since you are so sincere, I agree that you can go. I will not let our parents know. Come back as soon as possible."
On September 20, 1999 my older sister, my younger sister (both are practitioners) and I got on the train to Beijing again. This time the scrutinizing of practitioners was even more intense. We finally arrived in Beijing after encountering several episodes of trouble along the way. Beijing was closely guarded. Police could be seen everywhere--at Tiananmen Square, in front of appeals offices, on streets and lanes. The appeals offices became places to arrest people and were difficult to even get close to. With the help of fellow practitioners, we stayed at practitioner Li's place in Beijing. During the several days at Li's home, we kept thinking of ways to go to appeals offices.
The situation in Beijing became more and more strained. The three of us stayed for a time at a storage house full of mice, we sat on the slope of a hill so remote that we saw no one, we ate in the wind and slept in the dew, and we had moments of melancholy that we had no place to appeal for justice. We tried several times to go to the appeals offices but failed, but always kept one thought in mind, that we would not go home if the situation isn't corrected. Once I called my sister-in-law, who is also a practitioner. She told me that my husband and my younger brother had come to Beijing to look for us. They spent a lot of money but couldn't find us. Everyone at home was worried. I called my husband. He said, "Come back, please! My mind is going to collapse." I felt beside myself. I recited Master's article "True Cultivation" again and again, "Cultivation itself is not painful--the key lies in your inability to let go of ordinary human attachments. Only when you are about to let go of your reputation, interests, and feelings will you feel pain." (Essentials For Further Advancement)
On October 25, 1999 we heard from the news that Falun Gong was characterized as a [slanderous words omitted]. We couldn't wait any longer and went to Tiananmen Square that same night. When we had just arrived at Tiananmen Square, several police officers came up to us and ordered us to curse Master. We refused. They immediately dragged us to a police car before we had a chance to say anything.
We were sent to Fengtai Stadium, where there were already many people detained. Some police officers viciously beat people. We sat in the stadium for one day and one night without any food provided. Then we were taken to the Miyun Prison in Beijing. After we arrived there, the guards brutally beat us. We were stripped and searched. We were forced to squat down for a long time with both feet together. Several practitioners couldn't bear it any longer and kept falling over.
I began to do the exercises. Upon seeing that, several policemen rushed over to me. They held me down onto the ground and put their heavy handcuffs and shackles on me. The rusty handcuffs and shackles weighed thirty or forty pounds, and my hands were cuffed behind my back. The police removed my shoes, leaving me with only a pair of socks on. I was dragged to a stone-filled yard, where I was forced to walk continuously without shoes on. When I slowed down, a large, tall policeman came over and kicked me in the back. I knelt on the ground and could hardly rise to my feet. I walked for several hours, until I could no longer move. Then, two policemen dragged me by the arms and ran with me along the yard, my feet scraping along the ground. My socks were in shreds by then and my legs were covered with broken skin. The handcuffs and shackles deeply cut into my flesh. Even so, they did not remove the handcuffs and shackles for six days.
I could not sleep, eat, or even use the toilet. This happened during my menstrual period and my hands were cuffed, so I was in unbearable misery for six entire days without any sanitary napkins, tissues or other protection. Later I was taken back to the detention center in Jilin City. By then, my feet were so injured that the bones were exposed, accompanied by sharp pain, as though a knife were cutting into the flesh.
I was taken back from Beijing and directly sent to my work unit. My family members, colleagues and friends came to persuade me to give up practicing Falun Gong. I firmly refused. I was then fired from my job and sent to Jilin City's Detention Center.
My whole extended family came to the detention center to see me and sobbed. My husband brought food for me almost every day. I was incarcerated in the detention center for 15 days. The local police threatened me, saying that if I refused to write the guarantee not to appeal and not to practice, I would be sent to a forced labor camp. I was determined not to write any guarantees. The police allowed my husband to bring me home and gave me one night to consider. When I arrived at home, everyone was waiting there for me. My father-in-law cried and said, "Can't you just promise them? I would kneel down in front of you if it would help." They tried to persuade me the whole night but I was not moved. The next day, the local police called and said I had to go back since I didn't agree to the conditions. They tried again at the police station, "If you just write down you will not practice any more we can help to get your job back." I said, "It's impossible." They realized I would not change my mind and said again, "Since the injuries to your feet prevent you from walking, stay at home for a couple of days to enjoy the warm home."
I lost my job this time for going to Beijing to appeal.
In December 1999, upon seeing the news that the practitioners at the Falun Dafa Research Association were going to be tried, many practitioners went to Beijing. I couldn't stay at home and decided to go as well. I bought the train ticket. This time my husband said to me, "You'd better think over what you want, Buddha or this home - not both!"
Jilin Province had a rule at that time that if someone went to Beijing twice to appeal for Falun Gong, that person would be sentenced to forced labor. My husband told me that if I really wanted to go to Beijing, then get a divorce first, and then go. I was hesitant but I had to make a choice. Finally, I was determined to go to Beijing. We went through the divorce procedure.
I got on the train to Beijing that afternoon. Once on the train, because a fellow practitioner accidentally exposed us as practitioners, we were arrested in Jinzhou City. We were taken to the Jinlin City Detention Center. A practitioner suffered from savage torture for appealing in Beijing, and he died half an hour after the local police sent him to the detention center. All the practitioners in the detention center started a hunger strike, which lasted for four days. On the fifteenth day I was released. This time I had no home to return to and had no money, either. I truly felt what it is like for a practitioner to suffer hardships.
This time, for going to Beijing, I lost my family.
3. Eighteen days in the detention center
On February 15, 2000 I went to a practitioner's home to attend an experience-sharing meeting. There were more than 70 people there. The police suddenly broke in and arrested us all. I was taken to Qingdao Police Station in Jilin City for one night. The police took away 300 yuan that was in my pocket and then sent me to the Jilin City No. 1 Detention Center. The police ordered criminal prisoners to keep an eye on us. We were not allowed to talk or do the Falun Gong exercises, but I kept practicing the exercises every day. As a result, I was forced to squat for over ten hours at one time. I protested with a hunger strike. On the sixth day, the police tortured me with force-feeding. A prisoner told me that she had made the corn porridge with two handfuls of corn flour and half bag of salt. Seven to eight people immobilized me during the process. My stomach was hurting badly. When I could no longer bear it, I sat up abruptly to throw up everything. The salt had severely injured my mouth. My stomach hurt so much that I could hardly straighten my lower back. I could not eat normally for a long period of time. After 18 days in the detention center I was sentenced to one year of forced labor.
4. Darkness in the forced labor camp: With righteous belief in Master and the Fa, no tribulation can impede our cultivation progress
On March 8, 2000, I was sent to Heizuizi Forced Labor Camp in Changchun City for one year. Seven other practitioners were locked in the same isolated hut with me as soon as we arrived there. One of them was Ms. Wang Rui, who had just turned 18 at the time. Hou Zhihong, a police officer from the 4th Division who was in charge of the team for new inmates screamed at us, "I warned you! You are not allowed to practice Falun Gong here." Then she pulled out electric batons, leather belts, handcuffs and other torture instruments from a case and said, "We have more cruel devices. So watch yourselves!"
Under the watch of prison inmates, we were forced to sit still and remain in a stiff position on the bed board for over ten hours every day and we were not allowed to talk. Later on, they made us do forced labor for 17-18 hours a day, sometimes even longer, with no more than 2-3 hours sleep at night. If at anytime we slowed down the pace, we were subjected to beatings and verbal abuse. The long hours of forced labor and the denial of a minimum amount of sleep often made the elderly Dafa practitioners collapse. I wrote many petition letters to appeal and indictments for lawsuits against the staff of Heizuizi Forced Labor Camp and Jiang Zemin, but never received any response. Once, when I asked about my petition letters, the head of the 4th Division Guan Wei slapped my face violently. To avoid hurting her hand, she grabbed a clothes hanger and kept hitting me with it until it broke.
On May 13, 2000, we were transferred to the 4th Division. Practitioners began a group hunger strike, protesting the illegal detention and persecution. This time they intensified the persecution. The Administration Section Head Yue Jun and others tied up the practitioners on hunger strike onto metal-meshed bed frames. While torturing us with the forced-feeding, they shocked us with electric batons. The wire mesh sprang up with each electric shock, accompanied with sparks all over the place.
During the forced-feeding and electric shocking, the hallway outside the "health center" at Heizuizi Forced Labor Camp was filled with a frightening mix of noises from the electric batons, screaming, wailing and retching.
Eventually, only three of us were left. Yue Jun walked toward me and said, "So you have been practicing Falun Gong and on a hunger strike, huh? All right, we'll start with you today. Do you still want to practice?" I replied "yes" while moving up my arms to do the second set of the exercises. She attacked me madly with an electric baton. During the shocking torture, large blisters started to appear on my hands, body and neck. My sweater was scorched and torn from the high-voltage electricity. The guard got so tired that she held one side of her waist with one hand while continuing to shock me. In the end her baton ran out of electricity, but she still would not stop. She removed my sweater and went to grab another electric baton. I felt I could not bear it any longer. After Yue Jun returned, she tied me to the wire mesh and resumed the shock torture for a long time. In the end, I felt darkness in front of my eyes and could not bear the excruciating pain any more. Reluctantly, I agreed to stop the hunger strike and stop practicing the Falun Gong exercises in the labor camp for the time being.
May 13, 2000 was an unforgettable day in my life. After I was back in the cell, Master's teaching in the article "For Whom do You Exist?" constantly appeared in my mind, "In dealing with relevant, important matters, if a life can really assess things without any preconceived notions, then this person is truly able to take charge of himself." (Essential for Further Advancement) I could no longer hold back my tears as our compassionate Master was awakening me. I made up my mind that I would continue practicing Falun Gong that night. If I should die today, I would not be afraid. With a body full of bruises and cuts, I could still validate the Fa: it would prove that the death is from persecution. I prepared myself well, changed my underwear and shoes to the new ones. The next morning, the prison guard was outraged and called me to the office. She accused me of deceiving her. I answered, "It's up to you today. I was wrong yesterday. I have let down my Master and this feeling is more painful than death." Surprisingly, she became less vicious and I felt real calmness after letting go of my concerns for life and death. The prison guard said, "It's all right now that you've realized you let down your Master. You are a human being standing tall between heaven and earth." Once again, tears filled my eyes. She grabbed an electric baton but didn't shock me.
5. Reformation incident
At the end of May 2000, a violent "reformation" campaign began. Driven by financial rewards, in order to achieve a 100% reformation rate, the perpetrators in Heizuizi Forced Labor Camp turned to additional violence. The police stated at that time, "It's fast to reform [them] this way. We can reach the 100% goal in a month." They felt complacent. I thought to myself then even if I was the only one left who has not renounced my belief, the rate would not be 100%. At that time, the police captains had rubber tubes and wooden sticks in their hands all the time. An atmosphere of terror pervaded the entire forced labor camp.
In order to subdue me, the police forced me to read the speech by Wang Yunkun (governor of Jilin Province). I refused. So, the prison guards punished me physically by forcing me to raise my arms for over two hours each time. My arms became so painful that I got spasms, but I still refused to read that speech.
On the fourth day, Captain Zhang Guimei made the last five of us who had not been reformed to sit still in the corridor as punishment and demanded that I read a pamphlet full of slandering words against Falun Gong. I refused. She dragged me to the office and shocked me with two electric batons simultaneously. One was held on my face and the other one ran all over my body. She threatened me while doing this. I could hardly open my eyes due to the shock. She asked me while shocking me, "Why do you refuse to read it?" I replied, "I will not read anything slandering my Master!" "Would you follow the rules in the prison?" "I am not a prisoner!" She was very mad then, as if she had lost her mind, and she kept shocking me. I was unmoved. When I could no longer bear the pain on my face, I thought, "The electric arc in the human world will not have an impact on me. I will treat it just like massage." Instantly, the pain I felt in my face was gone, leaving only a feeling of some numbness (The Fa-rectification verses were not out yet at that time). I felt once again the power of Dafa during the genuine cultivation process. She tortured me for a whole morning but I didn't give in. Faced with my righteous integrity, she felt scared. She hit me hard several times with the electric baton and shouted, "Take her away!" When I went out of the office, my face was already burned dark and disfigured. I was in too much pain to sleep at night so I had to sit up, covering my face with my hands.
In July 2000 I was sent to the Fourth Team. There were more than 20 people in the cell and I was the only one not yet "reformed." Urged on by the police, these people kept a close eye on me and I lost almost all my rights. Someone managed to bring in Masters' new article at that time. So at midnight, when they had all fallen asleep, I read the new article again and again: "It's not that Master is not merciful: in the several years of your cultivation, I have not only borne an incredibly great deal for you, but also, along with this, constantly given you hints for your improvement, looked after you for your safety, and settled the debts that you owed at different levels so that you can reach Consummation--these aren't things that just anyone can do, and neither can they be done for everyday people." ("Drive Out Interference" Essential for Further Advancement II) Upon reading this, tears poured down my face and soaked half a side of my pillow. I could no longer go back to sleep. I called to Master in my heart again and again and I suddenly heard Master's voice in my ear, "Handle you yourself well!" I was dumbfounded at that time. Then I came to realize that Master was by my side.
Police officer Wang Jing from the Fourth Team always made trouble for me. Wang organized meetings several nights in a row to denounce me, saying that I would be sentenced to prison if I was not reformed. He sent those collaborators (former practitioners who turned against Dafa due to brainwashing and torture) to watch me and forced me to read books that slander Master and Dafa. I firmly refused to read any of them. Then they ordered me to write a report, examining myself and saying whether or not I was selfish. I assertively wrote, "I benefited from Falun Dafa and will tell everyone about the greatness of Dafa. This is not being selfish. Different people with different beliefs and thoughts have different understandings on the issue of selfishness." Then police officer Wang Jing said to the collaborators, "Don't let her sleep tonight. Make sure that she writes the 'Dissociation Statement' to renounce Falun Gong by noon tomorrow."
At noon the next day, Wang Jing walked to my side and beat me with all her strength. I lost hearing temporarily as a result of the beating. She dragged me to the team leader's office. Zhang Guimei said, "You have experienced plenty of this before, huh?" Then she used a very large electric baton to shock me, but left after a while because that didn't seem to work. Then Wang Jing made me take off my woollen jumper, and police officer Li Xiaohua started to shock me with the electric baton again. After this, Wang Jing pushed my head into a bucket of water to awaken me. After two hours of this beating, I had wounds all over my body. I did not yield because I firmly believe in Dafa.
In October 2000, things were getting worse. Instructed by labor camp head Fan Youlan, the camp set up a Special Secret Transformation Class under the name of "civilized administration." The special class was set up to single out each of the practitioners who had refused to be "reformed." Wang Xiufen from our team and Mu Chunmei from the First Team were called into that class. Later, two other people from our team were called there as well. They saw the torture equipment and Wang Xiufen, who had already been tortured to a stage in which she no longer looked like a human being. We were very shocked to hear this.
Those of us practitioners who resisted the brainwashing wrote letters to the administration of the labor camp, to the Bureau of Re-Education through Forced Labor and to the prosecutor's office. Our letters, to expose their evil acts, were handed to the director of the forced labor camp. After many, many letters and continuous writing, the Special Reformation Class was finally called off. This again proved that "Dafa Disciples' Righteous Thoughts are Powerful" (Master's article). In the end, the team leader Zhang Guimei said, "This is how you are. I won't bother you any more. Just don't cause any problems."
(To be continued)
