My Understanding About Changing Human Notions and Searching My Inner Self
(Minghui.org) I started practicing Falun Dafa at the end of 1993, when I was in a late stage of stomach cancer. At this dangerous time, Master guided me to encounter a Dafa cultivation site. A week later, my appetite recovered, and a month later, I had recovered completely. All the diseases I had, including stomach cancer, heart disease, and low blood-pressure, disappeared without trace. Being free of disease, I tasted the joys of a happy life. Thank you Master, for saving my life.
In May 2004, while distributing truth-clarification flyers, I was illegally arrested and tortured in detention for half-a-year. Because I was not diligent in learning the Fa, I responded to the persecution in ordinary ways. In the end I became destitute and homeless.
My fellow practitioners gave me Master’s lectures and told me to get serious about learning the Fa, and to search within myself. I adjusted my state and got down to learning the Fa for half-a-month. The more I learned, the clearer I became. I realized that I mistook “doing things” as cultivation. Master said,
“'The Buddha Fa' is most profound; among all the theories in the world, it is the most intricate and extraordinary science. In order to explore this domain, humankind must fundamentally change its conventional thinking. Otherwise, the truth of the universe will forever remain a mystery to humankind, and everyday people will forever crawl within the boundary delimited by their own ignorance.” (Zhuan Falun)
I knew that, to become a true practitioner, I must fundamentally change my conventional human notions and let go of my attachments. I must cultivate myself and search my inner self.
1. Searching My Inner Self When Working on Materials Production
Later I went to a truth-clarification materials production center in a specific city. In the beginning, I was responsible for all the work. I knew that it was not about my learning ordinary computer techniques, but it was to assist Master to save sentient beings like a god. The fellow practitioner taught me some simple operations in about 10 minutes, and I successfully produced the first truth-clarification flyers.
This work demands that practitioners maintain their xinxing. Failing that, the machine would be problematic at once and stop working. By searching my inner self, I found many problems. Sometimes it was because I was anxious to complete the tasks. Sometimes it was because I didn’t settle down to study the Fa. If I did study the Fa, practice the exercises, and send forth righteous thoughts well, the running of the machine was supernatural.
As long as I made a little progress, Master would give me encouragement and I saw amazing scenes in other dimensions. He took me around the heavenly paradise, where there are all kinds of flowers and grand buildings. It was all supernatural: roses were turning into truth-clarification flyers; peonies into the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party; lotus flowers into all kinds of amulets; other flowers I couldn't name were turning into leaflets, booklet, disks, etc. Then I came to learn that all the materials I made were decorating my world so spectacularly.
2. Searching My Inner Self When Criticized by Fellow Practitioners
One time, after I had just finished sending forth righteous thoughts, I heard a fellow practitioner call me downstairs. After I went down to open the door, she was furious with me and said: “You took half-an-hour; why did it take so long to answer me?” Then she left angry.
Another time, a fellow practitioner criticized me in front of some other practitioners, and I felt too ashamed to show my face. Going back to my quarters, I began to search my inner self, but I only searched a little. After practicing the sitting meditation, my grievance was lessened, and I was calmer.
Shortly afterwards, local practitioners pasted truth-clarification signs outside on a large scale. Then one day six fellow practitioners together came to ask me: “Did you make the sign?” I said yes. They began to criticize me one after another. I was so perplexed and grieved that I only paid a little attention to what they were saying.
At that time, I was very upset. Some resentment towards fellow practitioners grew in my heart, and I knew it was wrong. “Every test or every tribulation is related to the matter of either progression or regression in cultivation.” (“Lecture Six” in Zhuan Falun) I thought I should rectify myself quickly and send forth righteous thoughts densely at the same time. There are no accidents in the course of cultivation. Since so much happened, there must be something for me to enlighten to. I should break through it quickly. Master said,
“Everyone sits here to learn this Dafa, so you must here conduct yourselves as true practitioners, and you must give up attachments. If you come to learn the practice and this Dafa with various pursuits, you will not learn anything. To tell you the truth, the entire cultivation process for a practitioner is one of constantly giving up human attachments.” (“Lecture One” in Zhuan Falun)
I asked myself: “Why couldn’t I fundamentally change my conventional notions?” After continuing to experience so much, I enlightened that I should search my inner self and let go of my attachments as soon as possible.
In November 2006, something happened that seemed like a dream, I went home by bicycle. Just at the moment where I almost arrived at the door, suddenly a very high mountain arose between me and the door. I made a decision in my mind: “Climb over it.” With this thought, the mountain lowered itself to a tree’s height. Master encouraged me to break through my barriers and strive forward to let go of my attachments.
3. Searching Within as a Third Party
In 2007, once when I went out to buy production materials, I met with fellow practitioner A. She took me to a large materials production center where all the work was done by one practitioner. Practitioner A told me that the practitioner was so busy that he had no time to study the Fa and do the exercises. She asked me to stay there to help him with the work. I agreed.
I lived there for about three weeks. When I sent forth righteous thoughts, I cleared away many evils on the spot. But I found there was something like lust that could not be eliminated. I asked him what it was about. He turned red and said nothing. Every day, there were many practitioners passing in and out of the production center. They often quarreled, and sometimes it was even about getting the truth-clarification materials. I felt the center was not safe; so I suggested that he move.
The next day I saw a suspicious man downstairs. He seemed to me to be a secret agent. So once again, I suggested that the fellow practitioner move as soon as possible.
I went back home five days later. Then 24 days after that, I heard that the practitioner was arrested, even though he did move the center. And it was said that he and a woman had cohabited, and both were abruptly seized. This was a huge loss; about 20 practitioners were involved. I heard that the police had monitored him for half a year. And they clearly knew about his move. I sighed with emotion about how much effort our Master puts into us. Cultivation is very serious.
4. Searching Within While Developing Materials Centers
There was only one materials production center in my city, and it could not meet the demand for needed materials to save sentient beings. Although the lease for the center was not up, the house owner wanted to take it back. We prepared to divide the one center into several centers, but no one was willing to receive the machine. We could not find a new house and were pressured by the owner.
We calmed down to study the Fa. Master said,
“Some people have a high xinxing level to begin with. Their Celestial Eye are opened at once with the practice and can reach a certain realm. Because this person has relatively good inborn quality and a high xinxing level, his gong increases rapidly. By the time the gong reaches his xinxing level, the gong has also increased up to that level. If he wants to continue increasing his gong, the conflict will also become very serious, as it requires him to keep upgrading xinxing. This is particularly true for a person with good inborn quality. He may think that his gong has been increasing well and the practice also goes very well. Why are there suddenly so many problems? Everything goes wrong. People mistreat him, and his boss also does not favor him. Even the situation at home becomes very tense. Why are there so many problems all of a sudden? This person himself might not get it. Because of his good inborn quality, he has reached a certain level that brings about this situation. Yet how can that be a practitioner’s final criterion for completing cultivation? It is far from the end of cultivation practice! You must continue to upgrade yourself. Because of that little amount of your inborn quality you have reached this state. In order to ascend further, the standard must be raised as well.” (“Lecture Four” in Zhuan Falun)
I saw that Master was urging us to establish more centers, and this was the required course for us. So we did not complain anymore; instead, one by one we talked with fellow practitioners. Through our efforts over five-and-a-half months, the truth materials spots spread all over our city.
During this time there were many miracles, and I want to write down one or two of them to share with practitioners.
One day at noon, my partner told me that he had not found a house that we could rent. I said to him: “Don’t be attached to any pursuits; there must be some attachments we have. Let us maintain our xinxing and send forth righteous thoughts to kill any lust behind the owners.” As soon as we sent forth righteous thoughts, the owner’s partner said to her: “Don’t say anything else. Don’t you see they are not interested?” Then they left. I told the fellow practitioner that I foresaw there would be some change. As Master said, “After passing the shady willow trees, there will be bright flowers and another village ahead!” (“Lecture Nine” in Zhuan Falun)
The next day something happened, just as I expected. I met a practitioner who wanted to set up a production center. And my partner found a new house. Meanwhile, I eliminated many attachments: impatience, attachment to doing things, and judging fellow practitioners with an ordinary mentality.
Once at the end of a year, when I returned from buying some materials, our car suddenly did not work. We were 300 miles from my house, and there were rarely any other cars passing by. I prayed to Master to help me. Three minutes later, a taxi stopped in front of me, and the driver asked me if I wanted a lift. I hesitated, thinking that I could not afford the cost. The driver said: “Only 30 yuan, are you going to get in??” I was so surprised at the price, which was 10 yuan cheaper than a bus. So the taxi sped to the station, and I caught up with the last bus to my city. The booking clerk said to me: “You are lucky, our bus is leaving 20 minutes behind today. Otherwise you would have to sleep here tonight.” By 9:00 pm, I was at home.
5. Searching Within During All Kinds of Tests
Last month, we met with three fellow practitioners. We maintained communication with each other. In the beginning, we talked in a harmonious manner. But soon we began to quarrel. One practitioner asked me how we should think about it. I said I have a thought about how I view it and what to emulate in my mind. I said I thought the way we were behaving came from the CCP culture. I said we must abandon it. All bad thoughts, such as making others change, supervising others, complaining about others, and commanding others, must be disintegrated. All of the fellow practitioners laughed.
6. Searching Within While Seeing Fellow Practitioners' Attachments
“However, we need to look at what some people were sending out when sending righteous thoughts. They would be sitting there, palm erect, but their thoughts would not be righteous, “How come we’re taking this approach this year? I did a great job selling tickets last year. Why are they making me send righteous thoughts here when I could be out selling tickets? Why do we have to target society’s cultural mainstream? These tickets are so expensive—who’s going to buy them?!” (Laughter) While it sounds funny to hear this now, that was in fact an extremely widespread phenomenon. Do you realize that with all that being sent out, all around the world it formed into a sticky, glue-like substance, and it took just a very few evil beings to be able to interfere with you. It was not something that you could clear out, and it directly blocked our Dafa disciples’ ticket sales and blocked the Dafa disciples who were sending out true righteous thoughts. It was not something that could be cleared out. When evil tries to cause a mess, your sending of righteous thoughts immediately clears it out and eliminates it, scaring it into turning its tail and fleeing. But in terms of Dafa disciples, well, we certainly can’t eliminate them. What can we do when the person has a momentary slip-up because of an inadequate understanding of this matter? There’s nothing that can be done—even Master can’t do anything, for I must wait for those students of ours who have cultivated well to cultivate even better during this opportunity, and complete this particular path of theirs.” (“Dafa Disciples Must Study the Fa – Fa Teaching Given at the 2011 Washington DC Metro Area Fa Conference”)
This paragraph reminded me of an experience I had when sending forth the righteous thoughts. A practitioner once said something to me about a gulf between her and another practitioner. I was not interested, so I ignored it. Later, when I sent forth righteous thoughts, I found something like glue. It seemed elastic, and my righteous thoughts could not break through it. I suddenly realized that it was the primary reason for the distance between local practitioners and it was keeping them from forming a harmonious whole.
I wondered why I couldn’t disintegrate the substance. So I began to search my inner self. Then I remembered the gulf the practitioner mentioned earlier. When she had some bad thoughts, I not only didn’t stop her, but I also went along with it. That night I discussed it with the fellow practitioner, and she said: “I am already aware of it. I will eliminate the gulf as soon as possible.”
In 2001, Master let me see a piece of a scene: I followed Master to step down from one level to another under the protection of Master’s powerful light. When we entered into the three realms, I passed through a being's body because of curiosity. Then I found I was far away from Master and fellow practitioners. Master called me back to the circle of his powerful light; I hastened to keep up with Master. Because of my being away from Master’s protection, I saw there was a surge of black waves. I was scared and shouted: “I don’t want to go there!” Then I turned back and Master put a mantle around me.
All gods saw what I did, and they considered it as my betraying Master. They thought I did not deserve to be saved, and they wanted to kill me. However, Master did not abandon me. He had protected me through my lifetimes. Until this lifetime, the old gods did not allow me to obtain the Fa. They thought I was unworthy of it, and they wanted to take my life away through stomach cancer. But Master used his divine power to sustain me and sent me to the practice site. Thus I began to practice Falun Dafa.