Climbing Out from the Whirlpool of Fear
(Minghui.org) I am a veteran practitioner who started practicing Falun Gong in 1998. Before that, I didn't know at all what cultivation was, but now I have become a practitioner in the Fa-rectification period.
I have stumbled throughout my path of cultivation but have passed through very difficult times under Master's compassionate guidance and protection.
The Roots of My Fear
My father was persecuted to death by the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) when he was in his 30s. However, my father's death didn't evoke anger in my heart toward the CCP, but I became more cautious, developed cowardice, and felt more inferior than ever before.
After the persecution started, my inherent timidity and acquired inferiority complexes all came out, and fear overwhelmed my body. The attachment of fear had become an insurmountable barrier that I could hardly break through. But being a practitioner in the Fa-rectification period, I knew I had to clarify the truth and save people. But how could I do it if I was always frightened? I was determined: No matter how afraid I am, I must go out and let people know about Falun Gong.
Under Master's strengthening, my attachment of fear has whittled away in the process of constantly going out to clarify the truth. Initially, my whole body would tremble if I handed out just one piece of truth clarification material, but now I can talk to people face-to-face and calmly clarify the truth even to the police. I have finally come out of the whirlpool of fear.
In recent years, I've been going out nearly every day to distribute truth clarification materials or Shen Yun DVDs with fellow practitioners. My state of mind is getting better and better, and my thoughts becoming more magnanimous. I would like to share some experiences of how I let go of my attachment to fear.
Finding the Root and Cutting It Loose
Many practitioners went out to clarify the truth and help people quit the CCP after the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party was published. However, I was obstructed by my own attachments to fear and losing face. I was quite worried about my cultivation state, especially after I read articles in Minghui Weekly about how other practitioners did very well. I thought, “We are all Master's disciples; we cultivate in the same discipline. Why can't I do well?”
I was puzzled, and then suddenly one sentence appeared clearly in my head: “It is good enough if you have this wish.” (Lecture One, Zhuan Falun) I immediately realized that this was Master inspiring me. I went out right away while asking for Master's help at the same time.
I came across a person who was normally not willing to listen to the truth. He didn't know Falun Gong very well and always called me “Falun Gong” when he met with me. He also said that I was an anti-revolutionary. I tried to stop him from saying such things, but he didn't ever listen. I decided I would talk to him with confidence this time, and I started sending righteous thoughts before I spoke. I had a wish: I must save him.
The first words he said to me when he saw me was: “Falun Gong is reactionary.” I asked what made him feel that way, and he replied, “My friend found a note on the ground that said, 'Heaven will eliminate the CCP; quitting the CCP will save your life.' It must've been done by Falun Gong.” I said, “You shouldn't attack Falun Gong. This is for saving people.” But he didn't believe it.
I continued: “It is heaven that wants to eliminate it. What we can do?” I carried on clarifying the truth to him, and I talked about the rock engraved with the characters “ The Chinese Communist Party Perishes,” which was found in Guizhou Province. He was surprised and said, “Is this true?” I replied, “Falun Gong is cultivating Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance, so we don't deceive people.” I asked him if he had ever joined the Chinese Communist Party, the Youth League, or the Young Pioneers. I also suggested that he quit them immediately, if so. He told me that he had joined the Youth League, and wanted me to quit for him and his family members. I told him that he first needed to ask their permission. Since then, he often asks for more truth clarification materials when he sees me.
Another time, I went to visit a relative in another village because I wanted to help save people there. I didn't have any truth clarification materials handy, so I took some chalk with me. When I began writing “heaven will eliminate the CCP; quitting the CCP will save your life” on a lamp post, my fears suddenly came to the surface: My legs became very weak and my body began to tremble. However, I caught the attachment in time to cut it loose, immediately changed my mind, and asked for Master and righteous divine beings to help me. My mind then calmed down, and I carried on doing what I had planned. The more I wrote, the calmer I felt. Things went very smoothly, and I felt there was a harmonious cloud that enveloped me while I was doing it. Words can't express the happiness I felt.
Through the experience, I learn that as long as we are validating the Fa and believe in the Fa, Master is with us.
From Fearful Thoughts to Righteous Thoughts and Righteous Actions
Last year, while I was sitting in front of the local government office sending righteous thoughts with other practitioners, we were suddenly surrounded and arrested. The 30 to 40 truth clarification booklets I brought with me were all confiscated. I had never been through such a situation since the persecution began. Before this, the worst I had encountered was during the first two years of persecution when I was only harassed and arrested for a short time.
I was immediately stricken with panic, and I didn't know what to do. Later, I remembered some articles from Minghui Weekly that talked about how other practitioners maintained righteous thoughts and righteous actions when dealing with the police. I then calmed myself down and began clarifying the truth to the officers.
After arriving at the police station, one officer asked me some questions. Surprisingly, he only asked me how to do the Falun Gong exercises. He then asked me to show him. Obviously, he didn't want to participate in the persecution.
Later on, three police officers came to interrogate me, and they wanted to know where the truth clarification materials came from. I refused to answer their questions and continued to clarify the truth, and I tried to persuade them not to persecute Falun Gong practitioners. One of them got really angry while listening to me and nearly began to beat me, but he couldn't manage to actually bring himself to do so.
We were in a stalemate like this for two hours. Finally, they asked me to sign some paper, but I wholeheartedly refused. Surprisingly, as soon as I finished negating them, they told me to leave immediately. I didn't hesitate and went back home.
I didn't think that I could be arrested, but when I was, it was very easy to get out of there. Especially for the coward that I used to be, it's amazing that I am now full of compassion in my heart. Only by letting go of the fear that I was able to do it. Dafa has recreated me. Thank you Master!
This is my first time writing to share my experience in over a decade of practicing cultivation. Please point out my shortcomings with compassion if anything is not in accordance with the Fa.