How Participating in the Online Fa Conference in China Pointed Out Gaps in My Cultivation
(Minghui.org) I recently helped several practitioners write down their experiences and submit them. In the process, I gained a better understanding of Master’s teaching.
“To tell you the truth, the entire cultivation process for a practitioner is one of constantly giving up human attachments.” (Lecture One, Zhuan Falun).
It was their first time participating in the online Fa experience-sharing conference. At first, many practitioners thought that they did not have much to write because they felt they hadn’t cultivated well. Jo Anne (alias) and I encouraged them and said that no matter whether one cultivates well or not we all have something to write about. At last, with Master’s help, everyone decided to write a paper.
Only a few of them can type. They didn’t want to add to my burden. I told them that it was no problem and I would do my best to help with the typing. After I finished the task, I realized that it was an opportunity Master arranged for me to improve myself. In the process, many of my attachments were exposed and I eliminated them.
Let me first tell you about my experience while writing my own paper. While I was writing about the conflict I had with May (alias), I was unable to keep calm. I thought the conflict had been resolved and I had already gotten rid of it. However, as I wrote down the details, my resentment and hatred surfaced again. I couldn't calm down. I realized that I needed to examine myself. I always thought that I was relatively tolerant of other practitioners. Why was I upset? When I looked inward I was shocked.
In the past, whenever I had a conflict with other practitioners, it would pass quickly. May was having a xinxing test at that time. I thought that I had done a lot for her but she didn’t thank me. Instead she complained about me, which aroused my resentment. I realized that it was a big xinxing test for me. After studying the Fa and looking inward, I thought that I had gotten rid of it and resumed speaking to her.
Several months passed. When I wrote about what happened in my experience paper, my resentment was still there. It exposed my hatred mentality. I still harbored the grudge in my mind even though it had happened several months before. I had to get rid of it!
In the process of writing my experience paper, I also found I still had Party culture.
May realized that she had been influenced by Party culture. She decided to get rid of any Chinese Communist Party (CCP) books or other publications in her home. She asked me to collect these materials and get rid of them. I did this twice, which was not an easy task. I didn’t understand why she asked me to do it. I thought, “Am I also influenced by Party culture?” I didn’t think about it further. Later when May complained about me, I thought that I had done such a big favor for her but she treated me like this. My resentment mentality was aroused.
I listened to the Minghui radio series about Party culture while I wrote this paper. I realized that I indeed had been severely influenced by Party culture. For me, it manifests as a strong ego. I always imposed my own opinions during experience sharing with others and thought my understanding was better than theirs. It surfaced in other ways such as carelessness, sloppiness, a loud voice and informality, etc. I suddenly realized that my helping May get rid of those CCP materials was pointing out to me that I needed to clean up the Party culture influence inside me. Thank you Master for helping me see this!
Because I have frequently been in contact with other practitioners, I may have done a little more for them and so I was praised. This strengthened my zealotry and show-off mentality. When someone said something negative about me, I became uncomfortable. I realized that I should thank May.
Getting Rid of the Mentality of Impatience and Validating Oneself
Ann (alias) was the first practitioner to give me her paper. It was pretty long so I decided to type it up as soon as possible. It’s easy to say but hard to do. My living space is very limited and I have no proper place to put my PC. I put the PC on a stool while I sit on the floor with my legs either double or single crossed.
As soon as I started, my grievances came out. Her tone was nagging and she wrote endlessly about a tiny thing. I couldn’t wait to finish typing it. While I was working on it another practitioner visited me. I complained about it to her. She pointed out, “You are being impatient again. Each practitioner expresses themselves in their own way. Maybe she wants to get into the details. You cannot judge according to your thinking.”
I suddenly thought that her words were a hint from Master to point out that I should put my self aside and change my notions. I realized Ann's article was well written. The content was good as well as her writing skills.
While I was typing Ann’s paper, something amazing happened. She quoted Master’s words but didn’t indicate the source. She said it might be from, “Fa Teaching at the 2019 New York Fa Conference”, and asked me to check it. When I finished typing one-third of her paper, I stopped and decided to study the Fa first. Since I lent my copy of, “Fa Teaching at the 2019 New York Fa Conference” to another practitioner, I decided to study, “Fa Teaching at the 2018 Washington DC Fa Conference”. Suddenly I saw the quote Ann cited in her paper. I pressed my hands together in a gesture of respect and said, “Thank you, Master” It’s really amazing.
Other Practitioners Help Me Improve My Xinxing
I asked a practitioner to contact two others whom I had no time to directly contact, and ask them to give their experience papers to him. He told me that Linda (alias) didn’t want to bother me and decided not to write a paper. I immediately looked inward and remembered something. Last time, she wrote a paper. It was written in pencil and the words were quite small. I asked her to re-copy it and also pointed out some parts that needed rewriting. I realized I should talk to her in person.
When I saw Linda and asked for her paper, she said, “Well, I didn’t want to write a paper because of what happened last time. I decided not to bother you, so you won't have to type my paper anymore. I wrote two articles this time. I read them to Master and then burned them. It's not easy for you to help everyone type all those papers.”
I was surprised and felt guilty. I hurriedly said, “I'm really sorry. I didn’t know how much I hurt your feelings.” I repeatedly apologized to her.
Later Linda sent her paper to me. It was still written in pencil and the words were small. (In fact, she wrote it carefully and the writing was very neat.). This time, I had no complaint about her writing.
After I came back from her place, I thought it over. I was too attached to myself. I didn’t place myself in others' shoes and consider how they felt. Linda is very clear on the Fa's principles and has a good understanding of the teachings. Her experience papers have been published on the Minghui website before. What I did had such a negative impact on a fellow practitioner. I always dealt with things according to my own understanding. I also often modify their words to conform to my thinking.
What I did for local practitioners was really trivial. When I thought about the huge effort practitioners talked about in their papers and those who work for the Minghui website, I'm really behind. Linda helped me to improve my xinxing.
Another amazing thing happened while I was typing Linda’s paper. As soon as I finished it, I got rid of her handwritten copy. (It’s my habit out of safety concern. I also have fear.) Later when I reviewed the article, I found a sentence from Master’s teaching that I needed to locate. I remembered it was stated at the end of the paper but I missed it. I was really anxious and realized my carelessness caused the problem.
Other practitioners have pointed my carelessness before, but I didn’t really pay attention. Now it caused a problem. If I sent the article to Minghui, it would cause them an issue. I really needed to correct myself and take every matter in cultivation seriously.
When I identified my attachment, I was no long so upset. That evening while I was typing another paper, I suddenly remembered, “The Issue of Killing" in Lecture Seven. I opened Zhuan Falun and immediately found the sentence that Linda quoted. Reading it again, I knew that I was quite familiar with the sentence. How could I not recall it? I realized it was Master’s arrangement to let me find my shortcomings and that I needed to get rid of them. It was another miracle. I held my hands together in front of my chest and said to Master, “Thank you, Master!”
I would like to talk about Jo Anne. From the beginning to the completion of our experience papers, she helped me and the others. She can do typing but is not proficient since she normally doesn’t use a computer. To reduce my work this time, she typed her own paper and also told me not to worry since she could be my backup. She also helped me a lot in improving my xinxing. Here I would like to show my appreciation to her.
This time all of us wrote experience papers. Two practitioners who just recently joined the group Fa-study, also wrote papers. Through writing the papers, everyone has been able to find their shortcomings and feel inspired to cultivate more diligently. I think I've gotten the most from this process. I have a deeper understanding of Master’s teaching,
“In other words, all the things you're doing, including the small and insignificant things, all of them are done for yourselves, and not a single thing is done for Dafa, nor is a single thing done for me, your master.” (“Teaching the Fa at the 2004 Western U.S. Fa Conference”, Collected Fa Teachings, Vol. V)