(Minghui.org) After I went to college, I lost my cultivation environment. No one reminded me to read the Fa every day, and many of my attachments were exposed. When I faced problems, I sidestepped them and shifted the blame elsewhere.
Identifying Selfishness
Physics lab, a class I disliked, was in the mornings. My roommate and I shared the same lab station. Every time she had a problem she’d ask me for help. I thought she was wasting my time, so I often responded to her with an annoyed expression on my face. When I answered her questions, my tone was cold. I usually ignored her. My lab partner, however, patiently helped her. Because of the way I treated her, my roommate was nervous around me.
This continued until I recognized my selfish behavior and realized that a practitioner should not act this way. Not wanting to help people is selfish. I was startled by this sudden realization when I looked inside, and I felt ashamed. The Fa tells us to to be selfless and to consider others first, but I was only concerned about completing my own lab work. The next time, I patiently answered all her questions and felt very good afterward.
While looking inward, I realized that I also needed to let go of my leadership mentality. When we did experiments, I always took the lead while my lab partner recorded data. When I let go of this attachment, our experiments went smoother.
Jealousy
I didn’t know how to look inside, and I was often jealous. For me, it manifested as having a difficult time being happy for others when they did well.
Towards the end of the semester, the other students woke up early to study. Whenever I got up earlier than they did, I was pleased with myself and felt that I was better than they. If I woke up later, I was uneasy and worried about falling behind.
I became competitive and began to look down on my classmates. When I didn't live up to my expectation, I became jealous and had negative thoughts.
When I felt wronged and couldn’t calm down, I called my mom. She asked if I had studied enough. I said I thought that I had gone over all the material meticulously. She said, “Then why do you still make it a competition and worry about if you win or lose?”
Master said:
“Doing without pursuingDwell always in the Dao”(“In the Dao,” Hong Yin, Translation Version C)
Master's Fa helped me understand that if I focus on improving myself and study well, my results will be good. There's no need to compete with others. The test only measures how much I've learned. It doesn’t measure if I’m better or worse than others.
This strong emotion of wanting to be the best prevented me from having a peaceful mind. I could not calm down even when I read the Fa. I was worried that taking time to study the Fa would reduce the time I had for schoolwork. I laugh when I remember this now.
Improving My Thinking
After college, I was given some skin care products. The girls my age were all talking about makeup and boys, so I slowly started to pay attention to my appearance.
Once my roommate jokingly told me that I looked older than I actually was. I knew it was a joke but couldn't help feeling a bit worried. This obsession with my appearance stemmed from lust.
I was surfing the Internet one day when pictures of male models popped up. I felt moved, but not enough to become alarmed. However, lust had already planted itself in my mind.
Instead of being concerned, I chalked it up to it being a normal part of growing up. In fact, lust and inappropriate thoughts about the opposite sex causes people to become degenerate.
Sexual content is all over the Internet these days, and it goes against the upright moral standards of the past.
When I saw a pretty skirt on a website, I wasn’t able to buy it myself, so I asked my parents to buy it for me. When they said that I had too many clothes, I remembered that practitioners shouldn't pursue material goods. As long as one's clothes are appropriate, they’re fine. What would I do with so many clothes?
Reading the Fa expands my mind, and I can learn faster. I no longer need to spend long hours studying for school. I also refrain from watching things for entertainment purposes. I have enough time to study what has been taught in my classes and reviewing before a test.
When my mind is not calm, I know it's because I am trying to compete and not just for me to do well. I downloaded Master’s Lectures and Hong Yin, and I read them in my spare time. This way I can remove any bad thoughts and become one with the Fa.
When I become upset with others, I must remember to look inside. Sometimes I say something I shouldn’t or I make an inappropriate joke. When I do this, I need to correct myself immediately.
If I can always remember that I'm a practitioner, I'll be able to clear out any bad thoughts as soon as they emerge. Cultivation is very serious, and I should not let my attachments get the best of me.
