Learning How to Apologize
(Minghui.org) I started practicing Falun Dafa just as the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) began the persecution of the practice in 1999. After the persecution, we didn't have consistent group Fa study or communications among practitioners in our area. Without other practitioners to talk to, improving my xinxing became difficult.
A year ago, I decided that I must pay attention to improving my xinxing. Through studying the Fa and sending forth righteous thoughts intensively, I started to improve.
One of my characteristics was an unwillingness to apologize. Even when I knew I was wrong, I didn't want to admit it. I realized it was a characteristic nurtured by the CCP ideology and that I must eliminate it.
I work in a hospital. One time, as I opened the door to the treatment room, several people pushed their way in. An elderly woman walked straight toward the aseptic area.
I shouted, “Stop!” The elderly lady quickly stopped, looking a little embarrassed.
I immediately realized I was a little too brusque with her. So I quickly calmed down and said, “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be so loud. I hope you are not upset with me.”
She sighed: “You're the doctor.”
I explained, “You were headed into the aseptic area. Only employees are allowed there. But I'm sorry for my tone, you caught me off guard.”
The lady smiled. The bystanders nodded with a respectful look.
Later in the day I thought how apologizing really was not that difficult and it made me feel better. It doesn't matter who is right or wrong, if apologizing can express compassion then we should be able to do it.
Another incident involved scheduling a patient for a procedure in the morning. I called on him twice but he didn't come to the treatment room. I became busy and forgot about him.
After I cleaned and sterilized all the equipment and was ready to go home for the day, this patient, a young man, came in with his mother. He said he was sorry, and that he had just forgot. His mother also asked me not to be angry with him for being so late.
I replied, “It’s sterilizing the equipment; it’s just a complicated process that takes time.”
Nevertheless, I completed the procedure for him. After they left, I reflected and realized that I was the one who had made the mistake; I forgot him. It was my fault and I should not have acted like it was theirs.
The next day, while I was doing the procedure on him again, I thanked him for his patience with me the day before. I told him he was a kind and forgiving young man.
The young man was comfortable talking to me and confided that he was contemplating whether he should change his job in the countryside to one in the city. The transfer would cost his family over ten thousand yuan. After hearing the details, I suggested that instead of burdening his parents, perhaps he could work harder to advance his profession on his own.
He was relieved. What I said was what he had in mind, but he lacked the confidence to make that decision. After talking to me, he knew what to do.
We talked about the truth behind the persecution of Dafa by the CCP. He denounced all ties with the CCP and affiliated organizations. As we were parting, he said to me, “You are so kind, I will be back to visit you.”
I always had the last word at home.
My husband did not argue with me directly, but behind my back, he did things that were detrimental to the family, especially gambling. He had a small income and was in debt because of his gambling habit.
I began to despise him for that. I would scold him whenever he came home late. My bad feelings toward him accumulated over the years. I realized I must face this problem.
I found attachments. The most serious one was that I did not look within when I encountered a problem. I found faults in other people and despised everyone who harmed me. I sent forth righteous thoughts for a long time to eliminate the hate in my dimension.
It took me half a year to straighten out the grudges I had toward people around me. I realized that those people have been helping me with my cultivation.
I pitied my husband for the life he was living and sent forth righteous thoughts to eliminate interference in his environment as well.
My husband began to change. He stopped gambling and going out drinking at night. Once during dinner, I apologized for speaking harshly to him in the past. I said, “Wouldn’t it be nice if we stopped arguing from now on?” He nodded.
That night he washed the dinner dishes, taking extra effort to clean up the grimy wok. He polished the stove without me asking. I never thought an apology could be so powerful.
The next morning, my husband got up at five o’clock. After mopping the floor, he suggested we go to the market since he wanted to cook dinner for me.
In the past, my husband didn't do any chores at home. He would lie on the couch playing with his cellphone. He became a different person.
I also began to ask and respect my husband's opinion when making family decisions. I encouraged him to tell me what was on his mind instead of being passive like in the past. I realized I used to be self-centered.
After I stopped looking for faults in everyone else, I began to reflect on myself and improve my cultivation.
Everything that happens to practitioners is meant to help with our cultivation. It is important to look at our troubles from different angles, as only then are we able to use them to improve our cultivation.