Struggling to Eliminate Sickness Tribulations
(Minghui.org) Since I obtained the Fa in 1998, Master has protected and guided me in my cultivation. I have experienced a lot. I would like to talk about how I overcame sickness karma.
Illusion Cannot Deceive
I came to Melbourne from China in January 2017. In this completely strange environment, I felt stressed out due to aspects which were almost beyond my endurance. I failed the xinxing tests multiple times. In April, I started to have sickness karma. I had pains in the lower body, and I was always tired. I looked inward, and sent forth righteous thoughts, but with little effect.
My electric blanket caught on fire one night in August. Two days later I almost got hit by a car. Then, my family in China told me that four policemen went to my home in China to arrest me, because I filed a lawsuit against Jiang Zemin, the former head of the communist regime, who had launched and directed the persecution of Falun Gong, also called Falun Dafa.
Three nights in a row I had the same dream—I had cancer. In the third dream, a fellow practitioner told me that the cancer had spread.
I also had pain in my lower abdomen. The evil’s interference was severe. I lost more than 10 pounds. An everyday person asked me why my big toe nail was black. Then, I saw an article that told me that the cause of a black toe nail is cancer. I turned off the cell phone immediately—I should not read this kind of thing, for I cannot be deceived by the illusion made by the evil.
Another everyday person told me that she believed that I had health problems because my voice didn’t sound right.
I knew that all of these were traps arranged by the old forces. They tried to make me acknowledge their arrangements. I said to them in my heart: “No matter what tricks you are playing, they are all illusions to me. I only trust Master and the Fa. I only follow Master’s arrangement.”
I said to my toe nail: “You are a part of my body. I am the leader, and you should listen to me. You should not follow the evil and show illusions to me. Please turn white or pink.” Amazingly, the color of the toe nail gradually changed. Most part turned white, and the rest turned pink. This enhanced my confidence in righteous thoughts.
One day, my roommate asked me: “Aunt, are you sick? Your face looks so pale.” My face used to look very healthy. I looked at myself in mirror and cried. I said to Master: “Don’t worry, Master. I will definitely overcome this test. Please help me enhance my righteous thoughts.”
“The most difficult test for people, the test that must be passed during cultivation, is to let go of life and death. Of course, not everyone has to be confronted with the test of losing his life, but it’s not altogether impossible that this will happen. When each person faces his own most difficult test, when he is tested to see whether he can let go of his biggest attachment, he is in fact being tested on whether he can let it go. If he is able to let go of life and death, he is a god; if he isn’t able to let go of life and death, he is human.” (Teaching the Fa at the Fa Conference in Australia)
Attachment to Selfishness
I started to look inward for my human notions and attachments. I found that I desired comfort, had lustful thoughts, was jealous, showed off, held hatred, was revengeful, and held many more attachments. I sent forth righteous thoughts every hour at home to eliminate the bad stuff I had formed in human society. Between sending righteous thoughts I studied the Fa to rectify myself. But the illusion of illness symptoms worsened.
I thought of everything I had done lately, trying to find what loopholes of mine the evil took advantage of. I knelt down and started to memorize Zhuan Falun. It was the fourth time I memorized Zhuan Falun, having memorized this Book three times in China. I had no other thought in my mind. After getting off work, all I did was memorize the Fa. The negative stuff tried to interfere with me, but I didn’t acknowledge it. When it came, I sent forth righteous thoughts to eliminate it. I didn’t acknowledge it as my own thought.
One day when I was memorizing the Fa, I saw my selfishness. Then I recalled that one of my family members in China suffered from sickness karma. I was anxious, because I could not endure the pain of losing her. I could not live without her. Sometimes I was worried that if I lost her, I would have nobody to help fix my printer. When my printer and computer had problems, I always relied on her to fix them. I even thought about enduring some karma for her.
Recalling all this, I asked myself if I could give for practitioners unconditionally—I didn’t even take care of my own daughter when she just gave birth to a baby, and I didn’t even have chance to see the baby. I had my own store to take care of. I was so busy, and devoted all my time to that family member. I knew that answer: “No, I would not do the same for other practitioners for sure. My realm was not that high.” My motivation was selfish, based on qing. I had a strong attachment to qing, and the evil took advantage of this loophole.
Master said: “When your friends or family suffer, are you moved? How do you weigh them? This is how difficult it is to be a practitioner!” (Lecture Eight, Zhuan Falun)
I was trapped in qing to my family, which led to the persecution. During memorizing the Fa, Master opened up my wisdom, and let me see the biggest and deeply hidden attachment of mine—selfishness. At that moment, I felt that the weight that had been pressing on my heart and caused difficulty for me to breathe was dissolved. My body felt comfortable too. I thank Master’s benevolent guidance.
“It is easy to be a good person, but it is not easy to cultivate xinxing—cultivators must prepare mentally. Sincerity is a prerequisite if you are to rectify your heart. People live in this world in which society has become rather complicated. Though you want to do good deeds, there are some people who don’t want you to; you do not want to harm others, but others might harm you for various reasons. Some of these things happen for unnatural reasons. Will you understand the reasons?” (Chapter III Cultivation of Xinxing, Falun Gong)
I was awakened by Master’s teaching. Master was talking about me. Why do I feel so sad when hurt by others? Why couldn’t I pass the test? I didn’t realize that I was not broad-minded until I read that teaching one day. The conflicts were caused by myself. Why did I complain about others? Others follow everyday people’s principles, but I should treat the conflicts as a practitioner. I was too attached to other people’s attachments, and failed to position myself well. When others didn’t treat me well, or rolled eyes at me, I couldn’t let go. Instead I kept their attitude in my mind for a long time. I always looked outward, and failed to look for my own fault. This has resulted in all kinds of tribulations.
The evil’s interference was severe. Every time on the way to Chinatown for clarifying the truth about Dafa, I felt uncomfortable. The muscle in my legs were stiff. It happened twice that I urinated in my pants in the car, and had to go back home to clean and change. I said to the old forces: “You try to stop me from clarifying the truth, and awaken the conscience of people. I will definitely go. I will not listen to you. I only listen to my Master.” That afternoon, I convinced 24 people to quit the Chinese Communist Party (CCP). Of course, it was Master who awakened them. Master encouraged me through convincing those people.
I tried to write down my experiences during that period several times. But every time, as soon as I started, I had the illusion of sickness karma. After a few times, I gave up on writing it down. Back then I didn’t want to face difficulties, and I wanted to save face.
During the most difficult days in my life, benevolent Master guided me with Fa, and constantly made me come to deeper understandings of the Fa. When I was in great pain, I could hear the music Pudu every day. I always cried when I heard it. Master protected me, and encouraged me to solidly cultivate in the Fa.
One morning, when I woke up, I felt my body was very comfortable. I saw two Falun spinning at extremely high speed. Benevolent Master purified my body again. I cried.
The tribulation lasted for one year. While memorizing the Fa, I learned how to look inward. I understood the seriousness of cultivation. With Master’s arrangement and fellow practitioners’ help, I read the Fa, and did the exercises with the group online from 2:50 a.m. to 7:30 a.m. I spent two hours on memorizing the Fa every day. Through all of these, I improved fast in many aspects of cultivation. Finally the righteous thoughts eliminated the evil. Gradually the pain in my abdomen disappeared, and I had recovered.