Degenerated Self-Blame

(Minghui.org) I recently discovered that I have developed an attachment of self-blame. When I see people receive karmic retribution, I think that they might have been saved from such retribution if had I done a better job helping them understand the truth about Dafa. 

Always blaming myself for other people's behavior is very painful. However, I now realize that such an emotion is irrational. 

Because of this notion, evil people do more evil and we end up neglecting kind people. Let me use my own family as an example. 

When my mother got divorced, she gave up almost everything from our home and suffered a lot. However, her behavior only aggravated the selfishness and greediness of my father’s family. 

My father is still very wealthy even though he lost a lot of money on stocks. That side of the family doesn’t agree with Dafa either.

Even though he still has a lot of money, my father can't bear to spend it. He comes across as miserable, staying in an old house with old furniture and appliances.

While my mother’s financial situation gradually improved, she didn't have a lot of savings but looked like she had money—she wasn't afraid to spend it. My mother began to feel pity for my father and started to blame herself. 

She began to be very nice to my father’s family and bought lots of gifts for weddings and funerals, etc. However, my father’s family asked my mother and me to take care of my father and grandfather while they kept all the money. 

When I refused the request, they said the most vicious words to my mother. 

Other practitioners had the same experience. 

They work so hard at home and never complain. However, their family members become worse and worse, taking advantage of them. 

Their family members drink, gamble, and visit prostitutes, etc. They also try to control practitioners’ money. 

If they are divorced, they sometimes ask for living expenses supposedly for the child, but use it for themselves. 

Based on my observation, there are two types of such difficult people. The first ones don’t agree with Dafa and their behavior is very extreme. 

They are easy to identify; they swear and hit people. Another type of person is difficult to identify as he looks easygoing and says that Dafa is good, or doesn't show any opinion. 

However, he takes advantage of fellow practitioner’s compassion and sentiment to reach his goals. He directs fellow practitioners to do things for him and lowers fellow practitioner’s status at home. 

He shows his true face if he doesn’t achieve his goal. He starts to curse Dafa to make fellow practitioner feel guilty for not being able to save him. 

These people are extremely corrupt. Fellow practitioners have spent a lot of time and effort on those two kinds of people, hoping they would realize the truth about Dafa. 

However, those people's morals become more corrupt once they enjoy the benefits of practitioners' sentimentality toward them. They use various violent and stimulating language to achieve their goals until they finally receive retribution. 

They continue to torment fellow practitioners even after they receive retribution. Then fellow practitioners feel pity for them and blame themselves for not being able to help this person. 

I realized that this is just self-deception. Fellow practitioners put all their attention toward these few people and gradually become less and less confident. 

They cannot calm down and study the Fa, and hence cannot improve in cultivation. This way they won’t know they are missing opportunities to help the good people around them.

I read a Minghui article about a fellow practitioner discouraging another practitioner from remarrying her former husband. Later that practitioner’s ex-husband was sentenced to more than ten years in prison for embezzling public funds. 

This practitioner blamed herself, thinking that if that practitioner remarried her ex-husband, such a thing would not have happened.

My understanding is that we are not just involved in our personal cultivation and we must be responsible for Dafa and good people. Some people’s morality is low to such an unimaginable level, which seriously prevents them from understanding the truth of Dafa.

I have been in a state of desperate self-blame for a long time. Master’s enlightenment and fellow practitioner’s reminders led me to realize I have been chasing after people with bad morals. 

These kind of people are very capable talkers and also good at picking on others. Hence we try to be good people and gradually pay more attention to them. 

As a result, it interferes with helping others. Since I unconsciously centered around people with bad morals, my notions gradually degenerated. 

I couldn’t remember and understand the Fa. After I listened to “How the Specter of Communism Is Ruling Our World,” I clearly recognized these degenerated notions. 

I know I don’t have to beg these people with bad morals to come to understand Falun Dafa. Practitioners are the main characters. 

If we can't change these people, we must not be changed by them, and we should distance ourselves from them. They should take responsibility for themselves.

We should keep ourselves unmoved if they are still unreasonable, and just do what we should do. We should not blame ourselves. 

It’s enough when we tell them the truth compassionately. It’s their choice to be saved or not. 

We should not let them destroy good people or even us fellow practitioners while destroying themselves.