[Fa-conference Sharing] Letting Go of My Arrogance and of Validating Myself

(Minghui.org) Greetings, esteemed Master and fellow practitioners:

I got myself into a somewhat long-term disagreement with some practitioners regarding re-writing practitioners’ articles and for their use of modern writing practices. I faced the issue when practitioners criticized Chinese practitioners and their articles in what I believed to be an arrogant manner.

I have always thought that practitioners in China to be on the front line and doing the major heavy lifting. I greatly respect them and believe to be one body with them. When I was the only practitioner in my city, I opened the English language Minghui website, and read articles published by practitioners in China. I learned a lot from them, and believe to have a connection with them, and also feel that we have a kinship with them. So, I guess I took it personally when I thought I heard a fellow practitioner diminishing them. I felt this diminishing of practitioners in China was about validating themselves. That is, the articles by practitioners in China are so poor, and these practitioners’ English, grammar, and writing are so good.

Then, at two different in-person Minghui Fahui daylong events, the European Minghui practitioners said that the re-written English articles were poor representations of the original Chinese versions. The Europeans have to use articles from English Minghui to translate into their languages for their websites. Instead of any response or intent to understand and look within or cooperate, there was instead a silence.

I found the same arrogant response after I referenced Teacher’s postscript at the end of Zhuan Falun a couple of times. Instead of some genuine intent to understand, the practitioner asked Teacher if we need to read the postscript at the end of Zhuan Falun. I couldn’t believe it. I felt so bad that Teacher was bothered about this.

Yet I kept pointing out what I saw as their wrongdoings, their re-writing practitioners’ articles, and their use of demeaning modern approaches to writing and grammar. As they did not agree with my complaints, my attachments came up. And I became arrogant toward them.

All the while, I kept hearing Teacher’s poem in my mind:

“As a cultivatorOne always looks for one’s own faults`Tis the way to get rid of attachments mosteffectivelyThere’s no way to skip ordeals, big or small[During a conflict, if you can remember:]“He's right,And I'm wrong,”What's to dispute?”(“Who’s Right, Who’s Wrong,” Hong Yin III)

As I kept hearing Teacher’s poem in my mind, it became easier for me to say, “He’s right, and I’m wrong.” I knew this is exactly what I had to do—look within for my own faults. I found attachments to being right, being competitive, wanting to correct others, resentment and so on. I was making progress regarding these attachments, but I felt there was more that I was missing. Then I asked Teacher, “What am I missing?” A response came into my mind, “You don’t always have to be the expert.”

I recognized that at work people approach me believing that I am an expert and thus seek my help, guidance, opinion, and so on. I realized that I wanted to stay in this mode and to correct what I thought to be wrong. I felt frustrated with those practitioners who could not see their errors, nor correct what I believed to be wrong. I also found that I was resenting having to keep correcting such practitioners. Eventually, I found something even more deceitful hidden inside me – the attachment to showing off and validating myself. I also was being arrogant. This is what I had originally seen as a problem in the practitioners I wanted to correct.

In the course of all this, one practitioner told me that I am like the person who was walking in the street waving Teacher’s book, claiming that he was not afraid of the traffic. I asked myself if I am like that. On the surface I couldn’t see that I was. But, wasn’t that person showing off and validating himself? I have been like that person. My human attachments made me want to validate myself, my human side, my fake self.

So isn’t it a good thing that I have to look within, can find these attachments, and work on eliminating them, instead of being directed by them. Now, I can say thank you from deep in my heart to any fellow practitioners whom I had an issue with. I can say I am sorry if I offended you.

I memorize the Fa when I am driving to work. When I find myself struggling with a passage, there is usually a reason for it.

When I was tripping over a couple of passages I realized that there was a rationale I had to find. One was about following the Dafa principle of Truthfulness, Compassion, and Forbearance instead of the standards of ordinary people. This told me that I had to look within instead of using the ordinary means of competing and contesting. After I looked within and saw how I was still reverting to human ways, I stopped having a problem with this passage.

The second passage where I experienced problems was about assimilating to the Fa. Instead of saying, “As a cultivator, if you assimilate yourself to this characteristic you are one who has attained the Tao—it’s just such a simple principle.” (Lecture One, Zhuan Falun)

I was adding the word “can,” that is, “if you can assimilate yourself to this characteristic.” Well, it’s not that I can assimilate to it, it’s that I will assimilate to it. Finding my attachments, however small or large, that keep me from assimilating to the Fa, and correcting them, is a process of actually assimilating to Truthfulness Compassion, Forbearance.

Sometimes I review the edits that are made to the articles I polish to see “how I am doing.” Just now, I meant to write “to see how I can improve,” but I wrote “to see how I am doing.” This means I am still validating myself. It seems like an endless road. Anyway, when I recently looked at a few articles, I had a negative reaction to a disagreement – one change. Then, I immediately corrected my thinking to say, different practitioners have different understandings. Maybe they are right, and I am wrong! Let’s agree to disagree. If there is a problem with it, someone else can discover it. I am working on correcting myself now. And I felt very light and pleasant about it.

I don’t like to admit these shortcomings when I am with practitioners. That’s another attachment called saving face, and a form of self-validation. However, I feel very light and happy doing this. In the future, I hope to point anything out with compassion (which means others can accept it or not), and to be a better particle of our one body. Perhaps I can just correct something without having to correct the other person or without trying to use it to validate myself.

I know I am not there yet. Just at the end of August I needed to cultivate my speech and did not. Inappropriate speech comes from inappropriate thoughts. When I see an article that I believe is stripped down to nothing, I want to say it must be a product of the re-writing team. I knew that this was a resentment and a need to validate myself. Aren’t I diminishing others? Aren’t I doing what I say I’m correcting in others? It is from my human side or fake self, not my true self. I do not want to have any negative thoughts about fellow practitioners, or about any re-written or other articles on English language Minghui, or about anything. I will keep looking for any signs of this and correct them.

In fact, the next morning after I wrote this, as I was waking up, a negative thought came to my mind about something a fellow practitioner said to me at the project’s meeting a day ago. As the negative thought had developed halfway, I stopped it, saying, if you continue, I’m going to apply it to me. I will use it to look at myself. The thought stopped. As I got out of bed, I felt as light as air. As if there was nothing for anything negative to stick to. I went into the kitchen and could see Teacher’s picture in another room. I said to Teacher, “I’m improving.” I was very happy, and Teacher seemed to smile.

Thank-you, Master, for your immense Compassion. Thank you, fellow practitioners, for your help.

(Presented at the 2022 Minghui Team's Fa Conference)