Letting Go of Jealousy

(Minghui.org) I started to practice Falun Dafa in early 1999. For the past 20 plus years, I was not strict with myself in cultivation and didn’t understand the seriousness of cultivation. Driven by jealousy and other attachments, I was not in the correct cultivation state and encountered various tribulations. I was constantly interfered with. I’d like to share my experiences of how I let go of my strong jealousy. Due to my limited cultivation level, my insights might be inappropriate. Please kindly point anything inappropriate out to me.

Master said,

“The issue of jealousy is very serious as it directly involves the matter of whether you can complete cultivation practice. If jealousy is not abolished, everything that you have cultivated will become fragile. There is this rule: If in the course of cultivation practice jealousy is not given up, one will not attain Right Fruit—absolutely not.” (Lecture Seven, Zhuan Falun)

I had read this paragraph many times, but I didn’t pay much attention to it. I didn’t regard jealousy as an attachment that I must rid myself of in accordance with the Fa principles. Actually Master has emphasized this attachment. That is to say that even if we could return, if we still have this attachment, the Buddha’s kingdom will not accept us and our cultivation would be in vain.

I thought I had almost no jealousy, especially in my family. Even if I had conflict with a family member, it was nothing. I thought it was because my family member had human sentiments and that wouldn’t affect my cultivation. Thus I didn’t cultivate away my jealousy and missed many opportunities in this regard.

A painful incident happened not long ago, one that I thought was impossible to make up for.

I worked in a big supermarket for six hours a day, alternating in two shifts. It didn’t affect my doing the three things. It provided me with some income. I was happy with the job.

A practitioner and I drove to the countryside to distribute truth-clarification materials one day in April. I parked my car at the road side when we arrived at our destination. The practitioner took out a gauze mask and put it on as she got out of the car. I asked her where she bought the mask. She told me at our supermarket. I said to her, “Your mask is very good. It doesn’t fog your eyes. Quite practical. I will buy one next time.”

I was on the afternoon shift that day. When I arrived at my supermarket, I picked up a gauze mask from the shelf, put it into my pocket and then started to work. Before I finished work, I went to the cashier to pay for two bunches of lettuce I bought for myself. I totally forgot to pay for the mask in my pocket. As I exited, a loud beep went off and it frightened me. I returned to the cashier to pay for the mask.

The next morning I was on the early shift and saw the manager. I apologized to her and told her that I had totally forgotten the mask was in my pocket. She said, “Don’t mention it again. I was on the same shift yesterday evening and saw the whole process. I will communicate with the general managers and try to water it down.”

The manager came over to me a while later. She said, “Things look bad now. I explained the situation to them again and again. I want to keep you. But General Manager Zhang doesn’t agree. He is afraid the same thing will happen again. He’s decided to fire you and fine you 20 times of the cost of the mask.”

I was unable to accept this. I had pressure from society, family, relatives and friends. I had caused damage to Dafa. I nearly collapsed when I lost this job. I felt like what Master said, “...Abundant troubles rain down together, ...” (“Tempering the Will,” Essentials for Further Advancement)

This incident interfered with my cultivation. My palm drooped while I was sending righteous thoughts. I felt sleepy while I was studying the Fa. I couldn’t do the three things well and felt like I was unable to cultivate diligently. I went through some serious cleansing [illness karma elimination]. While I was going through physical pain, the old forces put bad substances into my dimensional field. For the first time I felt the difficulty and hardship of cultivation. I suffered mentally and physically and could hardly bear it.

I went to see a veteran practitioner and shared with her. She said, “This did not happen by coincidence. You have to find any shortcomings within your xinxing.” I told her that I had looked and found that I had a lot of attachments.

“When you fought with your husband for a trivial thing the other day, did you behave like a practitioner?” she asked, “Even an everyday person, a good one, would not behave like you. The evil would definitely take advantage of your loopholes. This was a big omission. You hit him in the face hard. Now the evil has made you lose face in front of others. I think that you yourself incited this tribulation.”

Her words were like shattering lightening and they awakened me. Was I a practitioner? I am sorry Master! Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance are Falun Dafa’s principles. I have practiced Dafa for 20 years, yet I couldn’t forbear and was not kind. This incident served as a big warning to me. Cultivation is serious and not child’s play.

I dug into my jealousy. Lan and Bei had been my two good friends at the supermarket. Bei was promoted to become a manager. Lan became closer to Bei and kept a distance from me. When Bei worked an extra shift, Lan would bring her good meals. Lan focused on Bei. I was annoyed by Lan and became resentful.

I now realized that this was jealousy. Jealousy had caused my resentment. I gained a new insight regarding jealousy.

As I studied the Fa more, I realized that it was not that I cultivated well and didn’t have jealousy. On the contrary, my jealousy was so strong that I didn’t even know it existed or what attachments were caused by jealousy.

Master said.

“When a qigong master teaches a class, someone may sit there with disrespect: "Oh, what sort of qigong master is he? I’m not even interested in listening to what he says."” (Lecture Seven, Zhuan Falun)

Wasn’t that me? When I shared with other practitioners, I didn’t listen to them when they didn’t agree with me. The above passage of Fa was talking about me. This was jealousy. I must get rid of it.

I looked deeper and found the root of my jealousy. When I was young, I was outgoing and liked to talk and argue. I liked to come out on top. I have many sisters. If one of them provoked me or troubled me, I would get angry. I would eat better food and wear better clothes than them. This caused my jealousy and made it harder for me to cultivate. I didn’t break through this in cultivation.

I found my another notion, which was that I always measured others with the Fa’s criteria but not myself. When other people blamed me, I kept calm and told them that I would pay attention next time. But I thought I was right in my heart. I found I had many such thoughts every day. I pleaded to Master for help. I then sent forth righteous thoughts to clear them out and destroy them. They became weaker and weaker.

Going through this tribulation, I felt Master’s great compassion. He dissolved huge amounts of karma for me and reinforced my righteous thoughts and allowed me to enlighten to the fact that cultivation is serious. I didn’t dare to relax in cultivating my heart. If I didn’t get rid of jealousy and the CCP’s indoctrination in me, I would not dissolve my karma. I would impact the surrounding environment and other Dafa projects negatively.

As I studied the Fa more, I realized that a person who has been indoctrinated with the CCP’s theories and is full of jealousy is not in line with the principles of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance. First of all, this person doesn’t comply with the principle of Truthfulness. He doesn’t do what he says. He likes to exaggerate and show off. He does not put his words into action. He is not true or kind. Even if he looked kind, it was a fake kindness. He would enjoy showing off himself and wouldn’t consider others from their perspectives. He wouldn’t tolerate people who had different opinions or did things differently. He measured others with the Fa’s standards and thought that he had cultivated better than other people. He would like to prove that he was right while others were wrong. These are the characteristics of the old cosmos. During the process of letting go of selfishness, as long as I had the thought of cultivating myself well and taking those attachments seriously, Master helped me by removing those bad substances from me.

When I came across a conflict or saw other people having a conflict, I would think about why I had the conflict or why I happened to see the conflict take place. If I cultivated well, my dimensional field would be pure and the conflicts would not occur. I would look within to see where I was not in line with the Fa and where I didn’t do well.

When I saw other people who had ill intentions, I would look for my own problems. Why did I see it? I looked within first and normally would find my own problems. Every practitioner has his or her own way and process to enlighten to the cosmos’ Dafa. Why should other people be in line with my thoughts? The cosmos’ Fa is so huge that it rectifies every bad element. I felt that I had become tolerant and could understand other people. My mindset and thoughts have changed a lot. The cosmic Fa is refining me. This is the great power of our compassionate Master. Thank you Master for your saving grace!

As the Fa-rectification process moves forward quickly, I will definitely cultivate myself well. I will not tarnish Falun Dafa or continue to let Master worry about me.