Looking Within Deeply and Letting Go of Jealousy

(Minghui.org) When I reached the section “Jealousy” in Zhuan Falun while memorizing the Fa, I understood that I must let go of jealousy. To deepen my understanding of it, I spent two more days memorizing the section by heart. Master Li, the founder of Falun Dafa, made arrangements to help me improve right away.

I live with my 88-year-old mother. One day my sister-in-law came back from out of town. Her husband, my younger brother, asked her to come take care of my mother for a few days to show some filial piety. I thought I could relax for a few days.

My sister-in-law came to my home. Despite my expectations, she didn’t get up until after 10 a.m. She has high blood sugar levels and avoids many foods. She could not eat what we eat. I had to cook special food just for her. Rather than relax, I had to do more work with her in our home. I tolerated this on the surface, but I felt so unbalanced. She seemed to be having a vacation here rather than taking care of my mother. After forbearing for a few days, I could no longer hold it in and complained to my mother. My mother understood me, but she was afraid of criticizing her daughter-in-law. She just advised me to endure. My heart was unsettled for a few days.

On day I suddenly thought: isn’t this the display of jealousy? Master told us: 

A wicked person is born of jealousy.Out of selfishness and anger he complains about unfairness towards himself.A benevolent person always has a heart of compassion.With no discontentment or hatred, he takes hardship as joy.An enlightened person has no attachments at all.He quietly observes the people of the world deluded by illusions.(“Realms,” Essentials for Further Advancement) 

Was I joyful? I felt like I was suffering instead. After cultivating for so many years, I was still at the level of a wicked person.

I suddenly understood why a person cannot achieve consummation when jealousy is not removed. How can one reach a righteous fruition at the realm of a wicked person?

Master said, 

“If in the course of cultivation jealousy is not given up, one will not attain Righteous Fruition—absolutely not.” (Lecture Seven, Zhuan Falun)

I told myself to cultivate benevolence and to take hardship as joy. I told myself that nothing is accidental, and nothing that happens to a cultivator is accidental. I told myself that Master saw my attachment and arranged for my sister-in-law to help me improve my character, and that I can no longer miss the opportunity. Although I told myself this, and I thought the same in my heart, the bad thoughts kept springing up. I pressed them down, and they sprung up again. I couldn’t hold them down. I pressed them down and they sprung up, again and again. My heart really felt uneasy. The attachment truly was a materially existing substance. So I kept reciting Master’s article “Realms” (Essentials for Further Advancement ). I told myself that human principles are reversed, that I’m a cultivator, that I must act according to a cultivator’s criteria, and that I mustn’t view things with ordinary people’s principles. Gradually, the bad thoughts stopped springing up.

When I read the Fa, I came across the principle: “... gained four ways in one shot” (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun)

I thought that just enduring my sister-in-law’s behavior was not enough. I must thank her. I couldn’t do this in the beginning. I forced myself to thank her in my heart. I must thank her. Without her performance, my attachment of jealousy would not have been exposed so thoroughly. Master must have seen that I was truly cultivating, so he took the bad substance from me. Now I feel calm when I look at my sister-in-law, and my heart is no longer uneasy. Rather, I thought: It’s not easy for any of us; let her rest for a couple of days.

As I studied the Fa and looked deeper, I found that behind this unbalanced heart was the attachment of profit, seeking returns, liking compliments, showing off, validating myself, a competitive mentality, and Party culture, among others.

I thank Master for his painstaking arrangement from the bottom of my heart. I had missed so many such opportunities in the past, and I really feel ashamed of that. Master had to put in more effort for me, as my enlightenment quality still remains so poor after cultivating for so many years. I will attentively study the Fa going forward, truly cultivate my heart, cultivate solidly, and follow Master home.