China Fahui | Overcoming Selfishness and Improving My Character

(Minghui.org) On the Monday morning, when Mei and I were doing the second exercise, Holding the Wheel in Front of the Head, I suddenly felt an immense pressure I had never felt before. I couldn’t tell if it was fear, terror, or unease that was enveloping me.

I continued doing the exercise along with the exercise music, but the situation didn’t improve. In fact, it made my scalp tingle. Then, I heard Master’s instruction, “Slowly putting down both hands, hold the Wheel in front of the lower abdomen.” [note: not official translation] The words “slowly putting down” immediately entered my mind, and I understood instantly that it was a selfish feeling, trying to protect myself.

– Excerpt from the article

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Greetings Master, and fellow practitioners!

I started to practice Falun Dafa in 1996 when I was in my twenties. During the past 29 years of cultivation, despite hardship, pain, helplessness, and despondency from time to time, I have experienced more joy coming from enlightenment under Master’s guidance and protection.

Identifying My Selflessness While Rescuing a Fellow Practitioner

Last year, practitioners Mei, Feng, and I cooperated many times to clean up the display boards that slandered Falun Dafa. Once, just before we were going to do this another time, Mei and I learned that Feng had been arrested, and the family’s home was ransacked two days before. The next day, another practitioner notified local practitioners and gave the details, and managed to get in contact with Feng’s children.

Through Wang, a practitioner from a neighboring county, we contacted a lawyer. The lawyer contacted Feng’s children and learned that she was being held in a detention center.

Mei and I made an appointment with the lawyer, who would visit Feng soon. Since neither Mei nor myself had experience in rescuing practitioners through a lawyer, and we had no idea where to start, we hoped that Wang, who had this experience, could help us. But Wang refused and strongly recommended that I contact another practitioner whom I didn’t know.

I was very distressed. It was clear that I couldn’t depend on other practitioners. I couldn’t back down, and had to walk forward on my own.

After calming down, I thought about it, “Why am I so worried? Master and the Fa are with me!” I quickly went to the online Justice Forum and downloaded related legal articles for reference.

Two days later, the lawyer came and met with Mei and me. The lawyer called the detention center and planned to visit Feng the following Monday.

On Monday morning, when Mei and I were doing the second exercise, “Holding the Wheel in Front of the Head,” I suddenly felt an immense pressure I had never felt before. I couldn’t tell if it was fear, terror, or unease that was enveloping me.

I continued doing the exercise along with the exercise music, but the situation didn’t improve. In fact, it made my scalp tingle. Then, I heard Master’s instruction, “Slowly putting down both hands, hold the Wheel in front of the lower abdomen.” [note: not official translation] The words “slowly putting down” immediately entered my mind, and I understood instantly that it was a selfish feeling, trying to protect myself.

It was selfishness that was blocking me and making me feel uneasy. When I was about to go and try to rescue my fellow practitioner, my self-protection was stirred up. What was hiding behind this selfishness was “fear.”

I thought I believed in Master and Dafa. This time, because my deeply ingrained “selfishness” was exposed, I was able to clearly recognize it. I felt relieved, and realized that rescuing the practitioner was my responsibility, and it was something I must do. At that moment, I truly felt immersed in the Fa.

When we finished the exercises, I told Mei what I had just felt. I didn’t expect that she had the same feeling during the exercise. But both of us felt that Master was pulling us up, and removing many impurities from our bodies.

After the lawyer met with Feng, he told us she had been on a hunger strike since she was detained, and the police were planning to force-feed her very soon. I immediately informed local practitioners, and meanwhile started to write a report article to send to the Minghui website to expose the persecution.

There was interference, but what happened during the morning exercises told me that I needed to put my full heart into this rescue mission, do my best on what I’m supposed to do, and do everything I could think of.

I sent forth righteous thoughts to eliminate the evil interference in other dimensions. I finished the report in two days. As soon as it was published on Minghui.org, Mei and I wrote truth-clarification letters based on the article. Within a few days, we sent the letters to places such as the local police station, detention center, Public Security Bureau, and the Political and Legal Affairs Committee.

Before we sent out the second round of letters, with righteous thoughts, righteous action, and Master’s strengthening, Feng broke through the evil’s arrangement and was released.

When Mei and I met Feng, she said that while she was detained she was really worried about Mei and I, since the police mentioned my name when they interrogated her. She did not accept any of the old forces’ arrangements, and did not cooperate with any of the police requests. She was calm, resourceful, and unmoved, and didn’t let the police discover anything.

When Mei and I heard this, we were so grateful to Master. It was Master who protected us! In fact we were already in danger, but because our thoughts and actions were unselfish, as we cared only about the detained practitioner and not ourselves, Master dissolved the tribulations for us, as the evil did not have an excuse to persecute or “test” us.

Letting Go of Human Attachments, Cooperating on Projects

Two years ago, Mei and I joined a project to help Li seek her pension, which had been unjustly withheld. I experienced many heart-wrenching struggles, especially for a time in this year when I was physically and mentally exhausted. At times I felt I had reached my limit. I would not be here today if Master had not mercifully protected me and pulled me through again and again.

Resentment and Jealousy Brought Me a False Impression of Sickness

Li’s pension was withheld three years ago. She utilized the law to stop the persecution, but the process was stalled at the administrative appeal stage. I contacted her and joined the project, mainly in charge of media exposure and truth-clarification letters.

During the following year, despite interference, each of us looked inward, eliminated many attachments, and were able to push the case forward.

In September of last year, I suddenly noticed a hard lump in my lower abdomen. I felt exhausted while doing the second exercise, and sometimes even had the thought of stopping. I usually kept going until the end. I did not think too much about it—I felt these were false impressions that I should not acknowledge. I just continued doing what I should do.

The lump became larger in February of this year. I clearly felt fatigue and lack of energy, even when I was sleeping. It became difficult to do the second exercise. Occasionally, I even thought about making arrangements for my death. But I knew it was something the old forces had imposed on me, not my real thought, and I would not accept it.

I felt that I must have loopholes in my cultivation, and the old forces were taking the opportunity to persecute me. But what was my problem? I looked inward carefully, and did find a clue. It seemed that I encountered a bottleneck that I could not overcome.

Mei saw my situation and kept reminding me that I must keep firm, righteous thoughts, and not have human thoughts and attachments. She also kept reminding me that Master was overseeing everything, which was a big encouragement to me.

Despite sometimes feeling disappointed about my cultivation state, especially when I was physically uncomfortable, I always continued to study the Fa and do the exercises. I tried to ignore the discomfort.

One day I came across an article on Minghui.org, where the practitioner mentioned how his resentment put him in a tribulation. I felt that this was my problem as well. That evening, when I accessed Minghui again, a familiar article appeared before my eyes. It was a piece I wrote last year and it was now published. At that moment, tears streamed down my face. I understood that Master had been making extra effort, watching over me and taking care of me all the time. Master had been giving me hints and guiding me to realize that my long-time resentment, anger, and jealousy were the cause of my problem.

The next day, when I was doing the exercises, I further understood that if Master was not protecting me, the old forces would be ruthless toward me. Only because I kept the righteous thought of believing in Master and Dafa, continued looking inward, and was involved in truth clarification projects, the old forces didn’t succeed.

Breaking the Shell of Selfishness and Ascending in the Fa

After I realized that jealousy and resentment had been building up inside me for a long time, I dared not ignore the problem any longer. I looked inward and carefully examined my cultivation.

I noticed that for quite a while I had felt depressed whenever I was cooperating with Li. When she needed me to write a new round of truth-clarification letters, we almost always had disagreements, and I often took two days or even longer to finish the letter. She was not satisfied with every draft, and pointed out places that she thought were inappropriate. From time to time she said things like, “Song is a writer who has such a good writing style,” suggesting that Song do the revision. She sometimes complained that we did not cooperate well.

I was able to keep calm and look within, but over time, each occurrence, grievance, resentment, and complaint welled up inside me. Sometimes, I could not control myself from complaining and getting angry at Li—I blamed her for not taking care of her own business and always relying on others. She didn’t mind, and wasn’t swayed by me. She would just wait for me to calm down and then continue to discuss how to proceed.

In addition, I overlooked sending forth righteous thoughts to clean up the evil elements in other dimensions, who tried every means to stop us from forming one-body, and to create barriers between us.

In any case, I firmly knew that once I started this project, I must continue no matter what conflicts and disturbances may come.

When I started to pay attention to eliminating my jealousy and resentment, the abdominal lump began to shrink.

I continued looking inward further down. I noticed that I often thought that I would no longer cooperate with Li as soon as the pension issue was resolved. Sometimes in the middle of writing truth-clarifying letters, I thought that I would be done after that letter. Then a new situation developed, and I had to write another letter, and then I would think this time was really the last.

Thinking back, it was Master who chose me for this project. Master paved the road for me to save people, and expected me to work hard. There would be obstacles along the way, in order for me to eliminate my human attachments. But I often wanted to do things my own way, let everything remain as I wanted, and follow my heart.

Master said:

“Didn’t the course of your life change into that of a cultivator the day you took up cultivation? Isn’t it true that nothing you come across is by chance? Aren’t you traveling the path to divinity?” (“To the European Fa Conference” The Essentials of Diligent Progress III)

In fact, I was refusing Master’s arrangement for me! I wanted to change Master’s arrangement for me according my own thoughts. The deeply ingrained “selfishness” has been preventing me from truly aligning myself with the Fa! I did not treasure what Master gave me, and I was so disrespectful toward Master and Dafa!

I realized how terrible my original thoughts were. If I could not fundamentally understand my human shell of “selfishness” and break it, I would not be able to recognize the old forces’ arrangements and reject them. That would be very dangerous! From my heart, I deeply regret and asked Li to forgive me.

After I found my attachment to “selfishness,” to my surprise the situation regarding Li’s pension case took a positive turn. I understood that it was Master who did everything for us. During the process it was up to us how we responded. We should put saving people first, look inward, eliminate human attachments, and harmonize what Master wanted.

A Final Word

The pension project is still ongoing. I now understand that doing my job conscientiously and diligently is not just about words.

Master said:

“The more hopeless things may seem, it’s possible hope will appear right before your eyes. Especially during those times when you are feeling so bored, perhaps you are in fact establishing your mighty virtue. I hope that you can really manage to cooperate well, have strong enough righteous thoughts, look within when you run into things, and be enthusiastic like you were when you first took up cultivation.” (“What is a Dafa Disciple”)

I will follow Master’s words, treasure the predestined divine relationship with fellow practitioners, cooperate well, and cultivate diligently together. We will walk well together on our cultivation path and fulfill our mission.

Thank you, Master and fellow practitioners!

(Selected submission for the 22nd China Fa Conference on Minghui.org)