Looking Inward to Get Rid of Resentment

(Minghui.org) I never realized that I had an attachment to resentment. But, when I turned on the radio and listened to sharing articles on the Minghui podcast, the topic always seemed to be about getting rid of resentment. It dawned on me that I had spent my whole life immersed in a heart full of resentment.

The Origin of My Resentment

I grew up in a poor family. I remember when I was a child, if there were any new clothes, they always went to my older sisters. Any special food was saved for my younger sister. I felt I was treated unfairly.

My resentment extended beyond my own family. My husband had a bad temper and drank every day, often leaving home at dawn and returning very late. Because of this, I resented him for much of my life.

My resentment deepened because a female colleague at work cursed at me daily. Sometimes she would even cry while shouting, accusing me of having an affair and blaming me that I had ruined her life.

I often wanted to respond, but worried that anything I might say wouldn’t sound nice, so I always stayed silent. For eleven years she yelled at me, which made me become well known in my local area. Every day I felt as if I had been stripped naked and humiliated.

Later on, I became ill, suffering from severe insomnia for years, and I lost nearly all of my hair. I constantly wondered, “Why is this happening to me?” I even considered going to a temple to become a nun, but couldn’t bring myself to leave my four-year-old daughter behind. Eventually, I reported this woman to my supervisor, but he simply said, “It doesn’t matter, go back home.”

I desperately searched for a place to seek justice, feeling utterly hopeless. One day, I swallowed a whole bottle of pills, determined to end my life. My husband held me in his arms, crying, and pleaded, “If you die, what will happen to me and our child?” Strangely, the pills had no effect on me.

After that, I would often sit up abruptly in bed in the middle of the night while half asleep, my eyes glazing over. It would wake my husband up too. Then he would gently lay me back down, and I would go back to sleep. I was very ill.

Tribulations from Fellow Practitioners

On January 1, 1995, I finally began practicing Falun Dafa. That very night I dreamed of clusters of white clouds in the sky, and on each cloud was a Falun Dafa exercise site. The clouds floated through the air, and I said joyfully, “Ah! We are in heaven.”

One day, a fellow practitioner came to the Fa-study group and criticized me, asking, “If you didn’t have an affair, why are people swearing at you?”

I responded, “Don’t say that. You’ll create karma. It’s not good for you.”

The next day at Fa-study, this practitioner apologized saying, “I’m sorry, I want to apologize to you. Look, these big blisters suddenly appeared overnight.” She showed me the blisters on her mouth. I said it was ok, but I thought, “Maybe you got punished for what you said.”

After the practitioner falsely accused me of having affairs, I became the center of attention among practitioners in my area. Some isolated me, others mocked me, and some ordered me to do this or that.

A few fellow practitioners remarked, “We can’t be like the CCP (Chinese Communist Party) and make up stories about practitioners. We are here to cultivate. We are Dafa disciples. We are closer to each other than we are to our family members. Whether the practitioner has this issue or not, we cannot talk about it. We must be mindful of our words.”

When I heard this, I realized I still couldn’t explain myself clearly! What should I do? My feeling of resentment grew stronger and stronger, until I felt unable to continue with my cultivation. The stress left me with a fever for a month.

Enlightenment By Compassionate Master

One night as I was feverish, I dreamed of a large, lush green lawn where a group of pure white swans were gathered. As I approached, the gatekeeper stopped me and asked, “Can you stop explaining?”

I hesitated and said: “But...” At that moment, I saw the swans flap their wings and lift off the ground, higher than a meter. I shouted loudly, “I can do it!” Then I was allowed onto the lawn.

After waking up, I understood that Master enlightened me by helping me recognize that I wasn’t truly meeting the requirement of Forbearance. To look at things only on the surface is to remain at the human level. A cultivator should have a heart of great Forbearance, and require herself to meet the standard of the Fa’s principles that go beyond the human realm. Since then, I have cultivated diligently in Dafa.

Master Showed Me the Karmic Relationship With My Colleague

One night, Master revealed to me in a dream the karmic connection between myself and my colleague who has verbally abused me for eleven years.

Long ago, two towering mountains stood opposite each other. One mountain belonged to my colleague’s family and the other to mine—each representing a separate village.

Later on, we arranged a marriage between our children. However, on the wedding day someone stirred up trouble, causing my side to break off the engagement. This led to a bloody battle between the two villages, with about 200 people involved in the fierce fighting, and many casualties. Amid the chaos, I shouted loudly: “Stop fighting! It’s all a misunderstanding!” Looking back now, I realize I created immense karma. Without compassionate Master’s salvation, I could never have repaid the debt.

Looking Inward to Eradicate Resentment

The first time I truly looked within, I realized that my colleague had scolded me for eleven years—how much suffering must she have experienced? How deeply exhausted she must have felt. When I broke off the engagement, how many people died and were injured as a result? Didn’t I owe her a debt because of that?

One night in a dream, she handed me a small bowl of gold, and asked, “Do you still want this?” I told her I did not. In reality, her eleven years of scolding had given me virtue, which was equal to that small bowl of gold. Only Master could help me repay that karma. I was able to start practicing Falun Dafa. What resentment could I still hold? Without Master’s compassionate arrangement, would I have been able to practice Dafa or repay this karmic debt?

As I reflected on this, I felt cool air flowing out of my nostrils for several minutes, and the resentment that had weighed on my heart completely dissolved.

The second time I looked within, I realized that when practitioners mocked and criticized me, pressuring me to admit to affairs, they were actually helping me to develop great Forbearance. Their mockery and criticism, in fact, elevated me spiritually. I should be grateful to them. With this realization, I exhaled cool air for quite a while, and yet another piece of resentment melted away from my heart.

The third time I looked within, my heart overflowed with gratitude for everyone in this world who had ever hurt me. If I had never harmed others, would they come to seek a debt from me? In this world, I have played countless roles, and fought in innumerable battles. How many people have I harmed?

Therefore, I must let go of all resentment, hold myself to the high standards of a cultivator, and have compassion for all sentient beings. Reflecting on this, I felt as if everything in heaven and earth settled into perfect stillness.