Looking Inward and Letting Go of Resentment

(Minghui.org) Through cultivation and conscientious Fa study, I have gradually learned how to look within. I realized that looking within isn’t about paying lip service or forcing yourself to meet a certain standard. Instead, you need to sincerely acknowledge your mistakes, recognize your attachments, and be wholeheartedly willing to improve yourself.

In the past, when I read certain experience sharing articles on the Minghui website, I thought they were very wordy and I felt annoyed, impatient and even angry at the authors, wondering why they’d made the articles so lengthy. One practitioner described her past experience of homosexual tendencies in great detail, which seemed far too long and tedious to me. I thought that reading these kind of articles was a waste of time, and I felt a strong aversion to it.

After I learned to look within, I was more aware if I got annoyed when reading such articles. I reminded myself that I should not focus on other practitioners’ shortcomings. All practitioners have shortcomings, however, we are improving ourselves. The key is that when you notice shortcomings in others, you should check whether you have the same issues yourself. When I write an article, I should pay attention to avoid being wordy. Other people’s problems remind me to avoid the same mistakes, rather than focusing on their flaws and being critical.

When I was growing up, my parents always seemed selfish, rather than thoughtful and kind like other parents. They were always losing their temper—the psychological trauma caused by their bizarre behavior has always stayed with me. This mental harm was much worse than the harm that came from living in poverty. My parents were always in a bad mood, angry, and constantly cursing viciously. My mother would say things like, “I wish you were dead,” “I want nothing to do with you,” and “When you die, you’ll just be a filthy piece of dirt.” It was even worse when my father was mad. He’d make a huge scene, screaming and shouting abuse at the top of his lungs. His outbursts and verbal abuse were completely unpredictable, and I’d be terrified, not knowing what to do.

My parents’ awful behavior caused me great harm. I felt vulnerable and resentful because I’d never felt any love from them.

After I started practicing Falun Dafa, I gradually let go of my resentment, and started to care for my parents and tried to understand them. They had very little money back then and were exhausted from farm work, which caused them to vent their frustration at home.

When I was growing up in the 1960s and 1970s, the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) strictly controlled China, prioritizing political movements over economic development. Chinese people were very poor, and didn’t even have basic necessities. They didn’t have enough vegetables or grains to eat, let alone any meat. It was forbidden to plant vegetables or raise chickens in your own yard. In the 1980s, facing economic collapse, the CCP had to reform, and the constraints on ordinary people were relaxed. Chinese farmers worked hard and finally had enough to eat.

In the mid-1980s, I was admitted to a junior college in the provincial capital. For a farmer’s family, this was like a brilliant bird coming out of a humble nest. From then on, I could break free from the status of a farmer and escape the hardships of farming. After graduation, I became one of the few local government officials.

I started to practice Falun Dafa in 1995. From then on, my life changed dramatically.

I developed compassion through cultivation and understood the hardships my parents suffered. I no longer dwelt on their past behavior, and instead helped them financially as much as I could. In the first few years after I started working, I gave them 200 yuan every month. Even when they no longer accepted my money, I still bought them food and clothes. I appreciated how they’d sacrificed for our family, working hard in their difficult situation, feeling bitter and stressed. All of this was caused by the CCP.

Cultivation is the process of getting rid of attachments. When my attachments resurface, I still feel resentful and dwell on the past.

One day, I read an article on the Minghui website. A practitioner shared how she was very poor as a child. Her parents never bought her shoes or clothes, and she always wore old hand-me-downs from her older siblings. In middle school, she had to go to school barefoot, which led to discrimination from her teachers and classmates. When I read this article, I sympathized with this practitioner and realized that I wasn’t the only one in this world who hadn’t received much care from my parents.

I noticed that my resentment still exists, and sometimes I long for a good life in this human world. I need to treat all suffering as an opportunity to eliminate karma.

I know that Master arranged my life in order to help me cultivate. I must let go of all resentment, especially towards my parents, since every one of my past experiences is a result of cause and effect. Maybe I owed my parents in a past life, and in this life I settled my debt in this way. I sincerely thank Master for letting me resolve my grievances with my parents and elevate my xinxing.

I am very grateful that Master has arranged this cultivation environment for me. Thank you, Master!