From Feeling Wronged and Holding on to Hatred, to a Heart Filled With Gratitude

(Minghui.org) As the only girl in my family, with five older brothers, I was doted on. I never did any physical work, and whenever there was something good to eat, a share was always given to me. I was the apple of my parents’ eyes. People often said I was blessed.

An Unhappy Marriage

I married at the age of 20, to a man who lived more than 300 miles away from my home. My happy life came to an end. My husband is five years older than me and I hoped he would care for me the way my brothers did. To my surprise, not only did he not care for me, he often spoke to me with sarcasm.

When I got sick, he totally ignored me, and complained that my illness was because I didn’t work. After saying that, he left the house. I was in bed feeling miserable and hungry, crying from being so hurt.

My husband’s family was very poor. Even when I was pregnant, we had very little to eat. We had only two meals a day, consisting of porridge with a yellow millet bun. I felt nauseous and didn’t want to eat, but I forced myself to swallow a little each time. I was so hungry that my stomach kept growling. My husband didn’t care. Instead he said, “You’ve got porridge and a bun. You won’t eat. Who do you blame?” Again, I cried in silence.

That was how I struggled through those days, living in constant misery, covered in tears. Whenever I cried, my husband would scold me. Later, I learned to cry quietly under the duvet. I cried so much, that over time my vision became blurry. I was so lonely and miserable, so I prayed to the Bodhisattva: “Please grant me a beautiful daughter.” I really did give birth to a daughter. I was so happy. I felt as though I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. I looked forward to seeing her grow up.

Later, I became pregnant again. My husband said, “If you give birth to a son, I’ll take care of you. If it’s a daughter, I’ll mistreat you.” I thought he was joking. But I had another girl, and he stopped caring about me. He worked in the field all day to stay away. I had no mother-in-law, and my own mother was too old to come and help. During the postpartum month, I had to take care of two children only two years apart. My hard life left me sick, with all kinds of ailments.

My husband didn’t help with the housework or look after the children. Instead he blamed me for not being able to bear a son. Once again I prayed to the Bodhisattva, begging, “Please grant me a son—otherwise I won’t be able to go on living the rest of my life.” My prayers were answered, and later I really did give birth to a boy. I said to my husband, “We have a son now, please help with the work.”

He replied, “When our son grows up, let him do the work.” For the sake of my children, I had no choice but to endure the suffering and misery.

My husband treated me badly because he couldn’t forget about his girlfriend from before we were married. He has hurt me countless times, and I began to feel hatred toward him. My kindness was repeatedly crushed by his actions, and eventually, I had no kindness left for him—only resentment. I even started to hate his ex-girlfriend, as well as the person who introduced him to me.

Through Practicing Dafa, I Became a Different Person

Fortunately, I began practicing Falun Dafa in 1999. A fellow practitioner brought me the precious book Zhuan Falun, and every day I took my two-year-old son with me to another practitioner’s home to study the Fa and do the exercises. Over time, without even realizing it, all of my illnesses disappeared.

All the illnesses I suffered from began during my postpartum month, such as knee pain, heel pain, upper back pain, headaches and insomnia. Whenever I got hungry, my heart would race, my vision would go dark, and I would break out in a cold sweat. During that postpartum period, my husband fed me overcooked salted pickles, which caused me to have constant diarrhea. After I began practicing Dafa, all of these problems completely disappeared. Master said: “Why do you encounter these problems? They are all caused by your own karma.” (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun)

Through Fa study, I learned about karmic retribution. I came to understand that the reason my husband treated me badly was related to my own karma. When I treated him well and he did not appreciate it, that was because I owed him from my past lives. All of this is the cycle of karmic retribution.

I follow Master’s teachers in my daily life, and have let go of many attachments. I no longer argue with people over personal interests. My brother-in-law farms our one acre land each year, but he only gave us less than 500 yuan worth of grain. Others who rent out their land could receive about 1,200 to 1,800 yuan per acre each year. However, because I am a Falun Dafa practitioner, I did not argue with him over it.

My husband cares a great deal about money, so I said to him, “I practice Falun Dafa and should listen to my teacher. Let’s yield to him. Suffering a loss is actually a blessing.” I am very grateful to my brother-in-law, because he is helping me let go of my attachment to personal gain.

When my father-in-law passed away, the funeral expenses were shared among three families: ours, my brother-in-law’s, and my sister-in-law’s. At the time, we ran a small grocery store, so we provided whatever items were needed from our store. Everything needed for my father-in-law's burial all came from us, and the remaining expenses were split equally among the three families.

However, when the final accounts were settled, we actually received 200 yuan less than we should have. I didn’t take it to heart. If this had happened before I practiced Falun Dafa, I definitely wouldn’t have accepted it so easily.

I am very grateful to my husband for helping me let go of many human attachments, such as jealousy, resentment, and competitiveness. He also helped temper me from a weak person to a capable and strong one, who can handle almost anything.

I am also grateful to my brother-in-law and sister-in-law for helping me get rid of my attachment to personal gain. I’m thankful to everyone who has hurt me, whether intentionally or unintentionally, and to those who have taken advantage of me. I’m grateful to those who have treated me well and to those who haven’t. Without them, I wouldn’t have been able to improve to where I am today.

Above all, I am most grateful to Master. Without Master’s teachings and guidance, I would not have become the better person that I am today—a Dafa Disciple.

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