Layer by Layer, I Found My Fundamental Attachments

(Minghui.org) I listened to other practitioners describe how they identified their fundamental attachments, but I couldn't find mine. I asked myself, “Why did I start reading the Dafa books?” The answer was I heard by practicing Dafa one could go to the world of deities. I began reading Falun Dafa’s main book Zhuan Falun. I realized my fundamental attachment was my desire to become a divine being, to live a free life like the legendary Eight Immortals, traveling everywhere, carefree and unrestrained.

Looking back over the years, whenever I failed to do the three things well or I struggled to relinquish an attachment I became passive. I would think, “It’s over—there’s no hope for me to succeed in cultivation.” I felt depressed and anxious. Conversely, when I did well, I thought, “Since I’m persisting in doing the three things, I should have a good chance of succeeding in cultivation.”

My worries about whether I could succeed in cultivation became my heaviest burden. Although Master enlightened me many times that if I cultivated well, I would ultimately succeed, I still thought: What if I fail? There won’t be another chance. My primary motivate for doing the three things was to escape the sea of suffering. When it was convenient I helped others. Human life is indeed full of hardship, and it would be tragic if people were weeded out.

After I found this attachment, I was finally able to let go of my obsession with succeeding in cultivation. My motive to cultivate shifted. I understood that cultivation is tempering oneself, validating the Fa, and helping Master save sentient beings. Saving people is the primary objective, and I can only truly achieve that when I cultivate myself well.

My Attachment to “Happiness”

I thought I found my fundamental attachment, but then something happened that revealed another one.

During the early years of the persecution, shortly after I graduated and began practicing Dafa, a classmate introduced me to a young man. I was very pleased with him and our families approved the match. He showered me with sweet words and gifts. Although I maintained the high moral standards of a practitioner in my behavior, I enjoyed the attention, although his behavior sometimes seemed somewhat strange. Our relationship ended abruptly and dramatically—he broke it off. I felt this was unfair and I couldn’t understand why it happened. I thought I was a good match for him and I turned down better prospects to be with him. I believed we could have been happy together. But the relationship ended suddenly.

As the persecution intensified, I did not dwell on it. I became homeless and I had to move around. I was busy doing the three things and I became involved in efforts to clarify the truth about the persecution—printing materials, making phone calls, etc... I thought I let the relationship go. In reality I merely suppressed it because I was so busy. Like “illness karma,” if an attachment isn’t truly removed, it will eventually resurface.

Those memories recently returned and I wept when I recalled the past. I initially thought it was due to the attachment of lust and I sent forth righteous thoughts to eliminate lust, but that did not work. I couldn’t suppress my feelings. The ways I used previously to remove the attachment to lust was ineffective this time.

Through Master’s enlightenment, I finally realized that this was another fundamental attachment: the pursuit of “happiness” and “a good life” in the human world. I was influenced by the fairy tales I read when I was a child, where the prince and princess lived happily ever after. This concept was rooted in my mind so I felt heartbroken when happiness was snatched away.

Later, I learned that the young man actually had serious character flaws and hid his true nature. All his good behavior was a disguise. I realized that Master had actually been protecting me from marrying him. Otherwise, the consequences would have been disastrous.

Realizing this, I broke into a cold sweat. It was a close call. I began sending righteous thoughts to eliminate this pursuit of so-called “happiness” and to clear away the illusory “sweet” memories. I realized those feelings were a honey-coated poison used by the old forces to destroy me. I gradually walked out of that state. When I told fellow practitioners what happened they explained that “happiness” was illusory, and was created by the old forces.

The Subtle Influence of Science

I thought I finally eliminated my fundamental attachments. But one day, I remembered when I finished reading Zhuan Falun for the first time, I felt that what Master said was true and logical because things like the celestial eye and clairvoyance were proven by modern science. Many demonstrations of supernatural abilities in society were recognized scientifically, so I thought what Master said is correct and I could therefore continue practicing.

I suddenly understood that this, too, was another fundamental attachment. I only accepted the Fa because it aligned with my scientific beliefs. If I didn’t have these notions, I would truly believe the Fa without needing anything else to prove that Master is right.

For years, I felt my faith in Master and the Fa wasn’t solid, but it never occurred to me that my faith was influenced by my belief in science. This mindset permeates every aspect of modern life, making it difficult to detect and separate from one’s true self. It’s like I’m encased by a shell—if this shell isn’t thoroughly eliminated my true nature cannot emerge.

I remain optimistic. I believe that since Master pointed this out to me, I will be guided to distinguish what a scientific concept is, and gradually eliminate these elements. It just needs time and a process. I thus realized that modern science is, in a sense, a cult. While I still have a way to go in truly eliminating these deep-seated scientific notions, I will keep trying to distinguish any scientific elements, send forth righteous thoughts to eliminate them, and truly purify myself in future cultivation.

My enlightenment quality is limited, so it’s taken me many years to find my fundamental attachments. These are my recent understandings. As my level is limited, please kindly point out anything inappropriate.