Letting Go of the Attachment to Validating Myself

(Minghui.org) When I realized how precious the Fa is and how important it is to memorize it, I decided to persist and memorize the Fa. It took me two months to memorize Zhuan Falun. I previously tried to memorize the Fa, but I stopped. After I memorized the Fa once, the next time it only took me a month, and I later memorized Zhuan Falun in two weeks. I repeatedly memorized the Fa for a year.

But when I recently memorized the Fa, I noticed I no longer internalized it. At the same time, my attachments became stronger—especially my attachment to buying clothes. Whenever I saw something I liked, I wanted to buy it. I also became attached to eating snacks and I couldn’t seem to control myself.

When I saw that some practitioners could memorize Zhuan Falun once a week, I saw the gap between myself and them. I knew I needed to double my efforts. I could not be complacent or slacken my pace. I should advance diligently. I tried to speed up my memorization. But after a few days, I found the results were not good. The faster I memorized, the less the teachings entered my mind. I also felt tired, and couldn’t calm down when I did the exercises.

I realized that behind my desire to memorize quickly was an attachment. I asked myself: “Why am I so attached to speed?” I wanted to prove that I am capable and I was as good as the other practitioners. This was a competitive mindset, jealousy, and an unwillingness to lose. Using memorization to prove myself showed serious disrespect to Master and the Fa. I sent righteous thoughts to eliminate these attachments.

I felt sad about my disrespect toward Master and the Fa. I understood that whether I was reading or memorizing the Fa, I should have a sincere and grateful heart, let every word enter my mind and correct myself. Only then can I truly learn and assimilate to the Fa. I should not be attached to how fast I memorized.

I Need to Do the Three Things Well

At first, I was able to cooperate well with other practitioners. We worked together to validate the Fa and expose the persecution. I did not have much fear, and things went smoothly. In recent years, however, our overall environment was disrupted, and I was mired in tribulations for a long time. I developed a strong sense of fear and I couldn’t get rid of my negative emotions, such as discouragement, self-blame, low self-esteem, and self-doubt.

Only recently did I realize that my attitude toward the persecution was wrong. I looked at it from the perspective of personal cultivation, thinking that it happened because I hadn’t cultivated well. So I tried hard to memorize the Fa and do the exercises, hoping to improve. But no matter what I did, it didn’t seem to work, and I was persecuted. I realized I was motivated to do well because I wanted to avoid being persecuted. This meant I was acknowledging the old forces’ arrangements and trying to do well within them, which is not what Master wants.

I realized I forgot who I am and I forgot my responsibility and mission. We are Falun Dafa practitioners in the Fa-rectification period. We are here to assist Master in rectifying the Fa and expose the persecution. Evil should not be allowed to exist, and eliminating it with righteous thoughts is our responsibility. Allowing it to exist reflects our demonic nature. Hiding at home to study the Fa while letting the persecution continue unchecked shows strong selfishness.

I also realized that whenever I didn’t do the three things well, I felt discouraged, inferior, and I blamed and doubted myself. Behind this were my attachments to succeeding in cultivation and validating myself. My feelings including fear, resentment, and a fighting mentality came from my attachments, such as seeking comfort and succeeding in my cultivation.

We are walking on a divine path. Would we want these human attachments and emotions? Whenever these negative thoughts appear, we should immediately send forth righteous thoughts to eliminate them. If we fail to recognize them and think they are part of ourselves, they will wear down our will. At the most difficult moments, we won’t be able to maintain righteous thoughts, and the evil will succeed. This kind of interference is the hardest to detect and is part of the old forces’ arrangements.

What we validate is the Fa, not ourselves. When facing persecution, we should not just endure it. We need to step forward diligently and oppose it. We should follow the path arranged by Master to validate the Fa.

This is my personal understanding. If anything I’ve said is inappropriate, please kindly point it out.