Looking Inward To Cultivate My Heart and Mind

(Minghui.org) I am a veteran Falun Dafa (Falun Gong) practitioner who started cultivation before the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) launched its persecution of the spiritual discipline in 1999.

I would like to share my recent experiences of cultivating my xinxing, heart and mind.

My Fundamental Attachment

I grew up in a poor family and often felt embarrassed when I played with classmates because I didn’t have any money. Feelings of inferiority plagued me. In addition, my father was very strict, so I became even more timid and insecure. Even though I did fairly well both in school and at work, I did not know how to get along with other people.

After I began practicing Falun Dafa, I appreciated being in a group with other cultivators, as I didn’t need to socialize to gain their respect. Everyone spoke with an open mind, and I felt a sense of belonging. Even though I did not yet understand the meaning of true cultivation, I was willing to get up early and go home late to be part of the community of cultivators.

This was partly because I didn’t want to waste my time doing other things. But digging deeper, it was the peace, purity, and warmth of the group that inspired me to keep going. I could interact with others without feeling any pressure. However, this was all connected to my fundamental attachment—seeking a sense of belonging.

I also became aware of an attachment to vanity, which was very subtle. While spending all my spare time with other practitioners before the persecution began, I became isolated from ordinary society. Subconsciously, I thought I had many true friends, and felt fulfilled. I did not feel isolated and lonely as I had in the past. But this vanity hid my feelings of inferiority and formed a material substance that was controlling me.

Although the substance’s hold on me became weaker as I cultivated, it was still there. Behind this was my attachment to fame. I cared about how others viewed me and would make an extra effort to exaggerate things and show off to build myself up and feel accepted. But this vanity made me feel vulgar.

A cultivator needs to eliminate all attachments, and my vanity is a fundamental one that was reinforced by selfishness. Only by letting go of oneself and thinking of others first can one eradicate deeply rooted attachments and the human mindset.

We are Falun Dafa practitioners who live in this secular world, but our aspiration is to reach higher realms. We also shoulder great missions and need to shed all attachments so we can fulfill them.

Attachment to Self-Interest

Nothing is accidental for a practitioner. The people around us act as a mirror to reflect one’s shortcomings. My husband appeared anxious a few days ago. I was also affected and became distracted. I clearly saw his attachments to self-interest, vanity, and fear of loss. When I examined myself, however, I found all these attachments were my own.

First was the attachment to self-interest. I found this was less when my financial situation was good. But when my income was not quite sufficient, the attachment became stronger.

I thought I was clear on the Fa principles and viewed my finances lightly. As long as there was enough to get by, I’d let it be and not care if I was taken advantage of. But I felt upset when my paycheck was less than I expected. I could not suppress my negative feelings and often thought about quitting. This was my attachment to self-interest, which I needed to dig out at the root.

I need to think about the principle of loss and gain. It’s typical for an everyday person to want to have more money and live comfortably. But my life is actually very simple. I’m not particular about food or clothing and don’t have many expenditures to worry about. But my family has other expenses, so I feel anxious about uncertainties. This made me realize that I haven’t studied the Fa well enough.

A cultivator should follow the natural course of things and not get caught up with pursuit. Everyone’s path is pre-arranged. If one becomes overly worried about loss and gain, one will bring trouble upon oneself. All we need to do is remember that we’re practitioners who temper ourselves in our daily lives, validate Dafa, and help save sentient beings. Everything else is arranged by Master. Once we let go of worldly burdens, we can improve our xinxing. When I became clear on this, my burdens disappeared, and I felt much more relaxed.

The CCP Mentality of Impatience

Another prominent attachment of mine is being impatient. It showed up both at work and at home. It caused me to offend people and create karma inadvertently. Because it’s been there for so long and contained elements of Chinese Communist Party (CCP) culture, it was a harder to get rid of.

I became impatient whenever I felt dissatisfied and things did not go my way. It came on so strongly that I could not prevent it and felt deep regret afterwards.

Being impatient is very counterproductive. My husband is a fellow practitioner, and I was always quick to point out his problems, hoping he could correct himself right away. But he would not listen and even argued back, which made me more agitated. This was due to qing (sentimentality) and the feeling of being misunderstood. This cycle repeated itself every few days. Neither of us improved and a rift developed.

I knew, as practitioners, that we are one body and should help each other improve. So I would swallow my pride and talk to him first. But due to my attachment of impatience, things still tended to go badly.

There was finally a shift when I became determined to get rid of this attachment. I reminded myself to keep a calm and peaceful heart, and eliminate the Party culture of trying to control others. I wanted to truly understand my husband and focused on his many good points. Compared with me, his mind was pure and simple, and he lacked selfishness. But even so, I found it hard not to look down on him and find fault with his behavior. I truly felt ashamed.

Cultivation is wondrous. When I corrected my own issues, my husband suddenly accepted my advice and recognized the seriousness of his own shortcomings. Cultivating one’s heart is so important for a practitioner. If one cannot elevate one’s xinxing, the evil can interfere and further impede one’s progress.

This impatience also hindered my ability to clarify the truth. I would become irritated when speaking with people who were still fooled by the “Tiananmen Square self-immolation” hoax and react to them in a way that lacked rationality and compassion. I had only one thought in mind, “Why are you are so uninformed, you don’t even know about this?”

This stubborn thought was due to my CCP mentality. On the surface, it seemed I wanted to help save people, but I often lacked compassion. The evil Party’s lies have poisoned the Chinese people. They have no way of knowing the truth and are in grave danger, which is so pitiful.

By guiding these people to me, Master is giving me the opportunity to save them. I should listen attentively with the benevolence of a practitioner and find out where they are stuck. With the right approach, I will be able to reach them and ensure their salvation.

I need to pay close attention to whenever such feelings arise and suppress them. I must cultivate my speech and avoid offending people. The people of the world are all here to be saved. So we need to do well with this and avoid leaving a stain on our cultivation path.

I have come to realize the importance of cultivating myself well so I can help Master rectify the Fa and save sentient beings. There is still a big gap between myself and fellow practitioners who do well with clarifying the truth face to face. I often limit my interactions to people I already know. So I need to discard my attachments to fear and laziness and do better in the future.